THE ULTIMATE
SECRETS OF TOTAL
SELF- CONFIDENCE
By
DR. ROBERT ANTHONY
Revised Edition Copyright 2003
Total Success Publishing
Brisbane, Australia
http://www.total-success-4u.com
The author and publisher respectfully acknowledge that this book is copyrighted. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form by
Photostat, microfilm, xerography, or any other means which are known or to be invented or incorporated into any information retrieval system,
electronic or manual without the written permission of the copyright holder.
This publication is distributed with the expressed and applied understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged in rendering legal,
psychological or other professional advice. If legal, psychological or other professional advice or other expert assistance is required, the services
of a competent professional should be sought.
Neither the author nor publisher makes any representation or warranty of any kind with regard to the information contained in the book. No
liability shall be accepted for any actions caused by or alleged to be caused, directly or indirectly from using the information contained in this
book.

1

CONTENTS
1.

DEHYPNOTIZING YOURSELF

2.

BONDAGE OR LIBERTY?

3.

THE ART OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE

4.

THE PROBLEMS OF AWARENESS

5.

I’M NOT GUILTY, YOU’RE NOT GUILTY

6.

THE POSTIVE POWER OF LOVE

7.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

8.

THE GOLDEN KEY OF THE CREATIVE IMAGINATION

9.

CHOOSING YOUR DESTINATION

10.

YOU DESERVE A BREAK TODAY

11.

THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE

12.

OVERCOMING FEAR AND WORRY

13.

MOVE AHEAD TRHOUGH POSITIVE COMMUNICATIONS

14.

ACHIEVING TOTAL SELF-ACCEPTANCE THROUGH A
POSITIVE MENTAL ATTITUDE.

2

Introduction
THE UNHAPPY MAJORITY
As you look around at your fellow human beings, you
will find it hard to ignore the fact that very few
people are happy, fulfilled and leading purposeful
lives. Most of them seem unable to cope with their
problems and the circumstances of daily living. The
majority, settling for the average, have resigned
themselves to “just getting by.”
Resignation to mediocrity has become a way of life.
As a result, feelings of inadequacy cause them, quite
humanly, to blame society, people, circumstances, and
surrounding
conditions
for
their
failures
and
disappointments. The idea that people and things
control their lives is so thoroughly ingrained in
their thinking that they normally will not respond to
logical arguments that prove otherwise.
William
James,
the
eminent
philosopher
and
psychologist, once observed that, “The greatest
discovery of our age has been that we, by changing
the inner aspects of our thinking, can change the
outer aspects of our lives.” Wrapped up in this brief
statement is the dynamic truth that we are not
victims, but co-creators in the building of our lives
and the world around us. Or, as another sage puts it,
“We aren’t what we think we are, but what we think,
we are!”
THE SHEEP STATE OF MIND
A lesson that has taken us far too long to learn is
that the opposite of bravery is not cowardliness, but
conformity.
You
may
have
spent
valuable,
irreplaceable years trying to fit into the parade
only to learn, too late, that you will never fit it.
What makes us follow each other like sheep? It is
because we are trying to conform to the majority.
3

It’s time to break out of this sheep state of mind
and stop punishing ourselves because we are different
from our family, friends or anyone else for that
matter. Much of our suffering can be eliminated if we
refuse to let our life be marred by conformity.
To think that our life is controlled in any way by
another individual, group, or society imposes a
condition of mental slavery which makes us a prisoner
by our own decree.
Our thoughts become the blueprint, which attract from
our subconscious mind all the elements that go into
fulfilling our concepts, whether they are positive or
negative. What we have in our life right now is the
outward manifestation of what has been going on in
our mind. We have literally attracted everything that
has come into our life, good or bad, happy or sad,
success or failure. This includes all facets of our
experience including business, marriage, health or
personal affairs.
Think about it! Your surroundings, your environment,
your world all outwardly picture what you think about
inwardly.
By discovering why you are the way you
are, you also find the key to being what you want to
be.
THE POWER TO CHANGE
Shakespeare said, “ We know what we are, but not what
we may be.”
Does this describe you? Do you concentrate on your
limitations, your failures, your blundering way of
doing things, seldom stopping to think of what you
might be?
The problem is that you have been
conditioned since childhood by false concepts, values
and beliefs that have prevented you from realizing
how truly capable and unique you are.
By virtue of your role as co-creator of your life,
you have the power to change any of its aspects.
Every great teacher has come to the same conclusion:
4

you cannot look to someone outside yourself to solve
your problems. As the Master Teacher reminded us so
often, “The Kingdom of Heaven is within.” It is not
in some distant land, and it is not up in the sky.
Buddha came to the same realization when he said, “Be
a lamp unto your own feet and do not seek outside
yourself.” Self-healing powers are within.
Health,
happiness, abundance and peace of mind are natural
states of being once you break the bonds of negative
thinking.
Unless you perceive your own true worth as a person,
you cannot come close to achieving total selfconfidence. Only to the degree that you can truly
acknowledge your own unique importance will you be
able to free yourself from self-imposed limitations.
Yes, I said self-imposed! Our parents, our family,
our boss or society didn’t do it to us. We do it to
ourselves by allowing others to control our life.
Unless you get rid of your guilt feelings and cease
belittling yourself for your imagined inadequacies,
you will be one of those who continue the fruitless
struggle to attain total self-confidence and personal
freedom. In order to be truly free, compassionate,
warm
and
loving,
you
must
first
begin
by
understanding and loving yourself. You have been told
to, “Love thy neighbor as thyself,” but until you
have a full appreciation of who and what you are, it
defrauds both you and your neighbor!
FULFILLING YOUR NEEDS FIRST
One of the principal requisites for change and a
self-confident personality is to satisfy your own
needs first. On the surface this may appear selfish,
but let’s remind ourselves that only when we have
done our best to make the most of ourselves can we be
of greatest service to our families, friends, coworkers, communities, etc.

5

Many people use the philosophy of service to others
first as an escape from taking responsibility for
changing their own lives. They say that their husband
or wife must come first; their boyfriend or
girlfriend; their church, family or the world must
come first. This is nothing but self-deception. An
example of this kind of behavior is the person who
buries himself sacrificially in a commendable project
with missionary zeal when, in truth, he can’t face
and eliminate his own problems.
You can’t change the world, but you can change
yourself.
The only way the human situation will
improve is for each individual to take charge of his
or her life. The time has come for you to stop
everything else and give total priority to your needs
first. This is the only way you will ever be free.
Physical slavery is a punishable crime but, far
worse, is mental slavery for the punishment is, as
Descartes put it so well, “A life of quiet
desperation.”
COME ABOARD! IT’S TAKE-OFF TIME!
You are about to start on an adventure that will
reward you for the rest of your life. You are going
to learn new ways to break the bonds of limitation
that have been holding you back.
If you find yourself in a situation where you seem to
be going nowhere, feel inadequate and unable to face
life with enthusiasm and confidence, this book is for
you.
If
you
are
disgusted
with
mediocrity,
disappointed by past results and not content to just
drift through life, these pages offer you an
alternative. If you will allow yourself to be open
and receptive to new concepts, values and beliefs,
you will discover why you should and how you can
systematically reorganize your thought processes to
awaken THE NEW YOU.
Once you master these principles, you will have more
happiness, more love, more freedom, more money and
6

more self-confidence than you ever thought possible.
Nothing is more rewarding in life than releasing your
unlimited
potential
and
leading
a
creative,
purposeful life. It makes no difference who you are,
what you do or what your life situation is, YOU can
achieve total self-confidence. And the approach is
not nearly as difficult as you might think!
21 DAYS CAN MAKE A DIFFERNCE
Let’s slip backstage for a moment and steal a glimpse
at a simple but very effective learning technique.
It’s called THE 21-DAY HABIT.
It has been determined that it takes approximately
twenty-one days to break an old, destructive habit or
form a new, positive habit. It will take you at least
that long too fully absorb the material in this book.
Make no mistake. You will understand it immediately,
but intellectual understanding alone is not enough to
make the necessary changes. The real thrill comes
when, at last, you KNOW it.
You must go from initial understanding to knowing. In
order to know something, it must become apart of your
thinking, feeling, actions and reactions. And this
takes time. So don’t make the mistake of just reading
the book once and saying, “I know it!” You won’t
“know it” until it has been absorbed into your
consciousness and becomes a new habit pattern.
Put everything aside for awhile and apply your full
concentration to what you are reading. The hours
spent in changing your negative, self-defeating habit
patterns to positive, constructive ones will be a
small investment compared to the rewards of a
lifetime of accomplishment and freedom.
If at times I speak forcefully it is to cut through
the heavy layers of mental resistance and reach a
place within you where you already “know”. Where
truth is recognized and heard. When this happens,
there will be a feeling of heightened aliveness as
7

something within you says, “Yes, I do know this is
true.”
To obtain the best results, read this book through
once and familiarize yourself with the entire scope
of the material.
Then return to the specific
chapters that are most meaningful to you. Let the
principles sink deeply into your consciousness and,
most importantly, ACT upon them without delay.
Now, if you are ready, let’s get going!

Secret #1
DEHYPNOTIZING YOURSELF
Every person has been hypnotized to some degree
either by ideas he has accepted from others or ideas
he has convinced himself are true. These ideas have
exactly the same effect upon his behavior as those
implanted into the mind of a hypnotic subject by a
hypnotist.
Over the years I have hypnotized hundreds of people
to
demonstrate
the
power
of
suggestion
and
imagination. To best illustrate my point, let me
explain what happens when a person is hypnotized.
Under hypnosis, I tell a normal, healthy woman that
she cannot lift a pencil that I have placed on a
table. And, surprisingly, she finds herself unable to
perform this simple act. It is not a question of her
not trying to lift the pencil. She will struggle and
strain, much to the audience’s amusement, but she
simply cannot lift the pencil. On the one hand, she
is trying to perform the action through voluntary
effort and the use of her body muscles. But on the
other, the suggestion that “you cannot lift the
pencil” causes her mind to believe that it is
impossible. Here we find a physical force being
neutralized by a mental force. It is a case of will
8

power
versus
imagination.
imagination always wins out!

When

this

happens,

Many people think they can change their lives through
sheer will power. This is not true. Negative ideas in
the
imagination
cause
such
persons
to
defeat
themselves. Regardless of how hard they try, it’s no
use. They have accepted a false belief as if it were
fact. All their ability, good intentions, effort and
will power are of no avail against the powerful false
belief they have accepted as truth.
In the same manner, I quickly prove that there is no
limit to what a person can or cannot do when he or
she is hypnotized because the power of imaginations
is limitless. To observers, I appear to have magical
power to make her able and willing to do things she
could not or would not ordinarily do. The truth is,
of course, that the power is inherent in the subject.
Without realizing it, my subject hypnotized herself
into believing that she could or could not do these
things. No one can be involuntarily hypnotized as
each person collaborates in the hypnotizing process.
The hypnotist is only a guide who helps the subject
accelerate the phenomenon.
I have introduced this simple demonstration of
hypnosis to illustrate a psychological principle,
which can be of great value to you. This same
principle is becoming increasingly evident in the
modern educational process where the student in
effect, actually educates himself with the skilled
assistance
of
the
teacher.
And,
even
more
dramatically, in the healing arts where the patient
heals his own body under the professional guidance of
a qualified healing arts practitioner.
Once a person believes that something is true,
(whether it is true or not) he then acts as if it
were. He will instinctively seek to collect facts to
support the belief no matter how false they may be.
No one will be able to convince him otherwise unless,
through personal experience or study, he is ready to
9

change. Hence, it is easy to see that, if one accepts
something that is not true, all subsequent actions
and reactions will be based upon a false belief.
This is not a new idea. Since the beginning of time,
both men and women have been in a kind of hypnotic
sleep of which they were unaware, but which has been
recognized by great teachers and thinkers throughout
the centuries.
These people have perceived that
humankind
limits
itself
through
its
“mistaken
certainties” and have sought to awaken us to our
potential for greatness which goes far beyond
anything we can possibly imagine.
It is; therefore, of utmost importance that you do
not assume you are awake to the truth about yourself.
Said another way, you must not assume that what you
now hold as truth is, in fact, really the Truth.
Instead, you must proceed with the idea that you are
presently hypnotized by false beliefs, concepts and
values that are keeping you from expressing your true
potential.
It may be astutely observed at this point that you
and I are primarily the result of what we have been
told and taught, and what we have been sold and
bought.
The average person never comes near reaching his
unlimited potential because he is living under the
false assumption that he already knows the truth. He
believes what his parents have told him, what his
teachers have taught him, what he has read, and what
his religion has told him WITHOUT ACTUALLY PROVING IT
FOR HIMSELF.
Millions upon millions of people have blindly
followed the rhetoric of so-called “knowledgeable”
people without making sure that the principles these
“experts” expound stand up to the realities of life.
They further limit themselves by holding onto these
concepts, values and beliefs even after they have
actually evolved beyond them. Fortunately, something
or someone has triggered your interest in moving
10

beyond your present level
includes the discovery, and
self-confidence.

of awareness,
development of

which
total

Your first job is to awaken from the hypnotic
condition that is presently keeping you from being
the person you want to be.
Read the following
statement:
The degree to which you awaken will be in direct
proportion to the amount of Truth you can accept
about yourself.
Now read it again! This is the key that determines
how much you will be able to change your life. In the
words, “know the Truth and the Truth shall set you
free.”
Many of the concepts presented in this book will be
in direct opposition to what you now hold as the
Truth. Some may even seem “way out” or illogical and
will challenge your belief system. You will have a
choice to either find out if they are true, or resist
them. The choice is yours. This brings us back to
what we said earlier: your life will be transformed
in direct relation to the amount of truth you can
accept about yourself.
If you are sincere about changing your life and
increasing your self-confidence, you must have an
open mind. I neither want nor expect you to accept as
true anything you read in this book, just because I
say it’s true. If you do, you will gain little from
what you are reading. You must try out the principles
for yourself. The inner conviction and security,
which
comes
from
having
proved
to
your
own
satisfaction that what is presented as the Truth is
indeed really the Truth, is the foundation upon which
to
begin
building
a
dynamic
self-confident
personality.
In order to construct a new “functional” building on
a site where a “nonfunctional” building exists, you
11

first have to raze the old structure. This must be
done by shattering those “mistaken certainties” which
have held you back from expressing the unlimited,
abundant,
wholesome
life
you
desire.
This
is
primarily what this book is about.
HOW YOUR BELIEFS IMPRISON YOU
Just what are beliefs? They are the conscious
unconscious information that we have accepted
true. Unfortunately, our beliefs often imprison
and deny us access to what is real. A filter
misconceptions prohibits Truth’s passage and we
only what we want, and reject everything else.

and
as
us
of
see

Truth can never be revealed to the so-called “firm
believer.” You know the type: always quoting “facts.”
He does not want to recognize anything outside of his
belief and sees everything with which he disagrees as
a threat. He goes through life labeling all that is
new, different and enlightening as “evil” or, at
least
“unacceptable,”
and
all
that
is
old,
traditional and suppressing as “good.” He cannot
understand that Truth – no matter how painful – is
always by its very nature, “good,” and that a lie –
regardless of how much we are in love with it, is
always, by its very nature, “bad.”
To protect his beliefs, he builds a
world.
Some “firm believers” have
some a small one but, regardless of
structure, it can only serve to shut
Truth than it can hold.

wall around
a big wall
the size of
out more of

his
and
the
the

The person who is a “firm believer” has no option to
change his mind. This makes him ignorant. He can only
recognize what lies within the walls he has built
around himself and is prevented from exploring the
limitless Truth, which lies outside the wall. What he
fails to realize is that Truth is always greater than
any structure built to contain it.

12

Belief and faith are not the same thing and should
not be confused. Unlike belief, faith is not totally
limiting. It recognizes there is more to discover and
know, and that one must always seek to unfold more
and more of the Truth.
With faith, all things are
possible. The “firm believer” always thinks he knows
the answer. The person with faith, aware that there
is always more to learn about himself or herself,
constantly seeks enlightenment.
WE ARE LIMITED
BY OUR
“MISTAKEN CERTAINTIES”
If we wish to make a fundamental change in our life,
we must first understand the root of our problems.
This invariably lies in our “mistaken certainties.”
Mistaken certainties are things we are sure are true
but which, in fact, are not. They are generally based
on wishful thinking, which distorts reality and leads
to self-deception. We want things to be as we would
like them to be rather than as they are. We look at
the world, filtered by our beliefs, which blinds us
to what is real.
We can only change the world to the extent that we
can change ourselves. We can only change ourselves to
the degree that we become aware of our mistaken
certainties.
Most
of
our
troubles
arise
from
expectations, which have not become realities. Most
of our disappointments come from our mistaken ideal
of how we think the world should be, and what we
think we “should,” or “ought” to do, be or have. This
is known as resisting reality.
Emerson said, “We are what we think about all day
long.” Everything that is happening to you right now
in your mental, physical, emotional and spiritual
world is the result of what is going on in your mind.
To put it more exactly:

13

You accept, relate or reject EVERYTHING in your
mental and physical environment based on your PRESENT
level of AWARENESS.
Your present level of awareness is determined by your
education,
environment,
family
life,
childhood
experiences,
successes,
failures
and
religious
beliefs.
You will discover that many of the things you thought
were true are the things that, in reality, are not
true. These will include the beliefs that make up the
solid foundation of what you assume is reality. As
you progress through this book, you will discover
that everything you are accepting, relating or
rejecting is based on your present level of
awareness. Unfortunately, your present level of
awareness may be faulty or distorted.

NO ONE LIKES TO CHANGE THEIR PRESENT
LEVEL OF AWARENESS
We find it difficult to change our present level of
awareness because—
1. What we are picturing and imagining in our
minds is based on what we now believe is the
Truth, regardless of how faulty or distorted
it may be. Our minds control our actions and
reactions.
2. It is easier to give excuses or, as we prefer
to call them, “logical reasons” why it isn’t
necessary, or even possible, to change.
3. We seek only those experiences that support
our present values and avoid, resist or, if
necessary, forcibly reject those which are
inconsistent with our existing beliefs.
4. We have built and programmed into our
subconscious
minds
and
central
nervous
14

systems
the
wrong
responses
to
life
situations that cause us to respond the way
we have been programmed. In other words, we
respond to the way we have been conditioned
to FEEL and ACT. This “system” is one of our
own creations and only we can change its
basic patterns.
Intellectually, we may agree that there are things in
our life that we should change, but we almost always
feel that our situation is different from everyone
else’s. This causes us to avoid, resist and, if
necessary, forcibly reject any idea that threatens
our beliefs. Take, for example, the alcoholic. From
his viewpoint of life, it seems rational to continue
drinking. The drug user, the compulsive gambler and
the compulsive eater all feel the same way about
their respective additions. They rationalize their
actions based on their present level of awareness,
however faulty it may be.
The major stumbling block to changing our awareness
is that we reuse to recognize that our “mistaken
certainties” have distorted our perception. This is
why it is important, from time to time, to challenge
our beliefs to see if we may be operating from the
wrong viewpoint.
The beliefs of a person who has a normal, wholesome
personality
undergo
a
constant
process
of
reorganization, but the neurotic personality clings
to his beliefs, false and distorted though they may
be. Usually the only way the neurotic will change is
when a major crisis forces him to alter his old selfdefeating habit patterns.
If your mind has been programmed or conditioned to
accept false and distorted concepts and values, you
will develop a lifestyle to justify them. You will
assume that something is true, even though it is
false. Then, seeking to prove you are right, you will
collect and make the facts fit. You become like a dog
15

chasing its tail. One false belief leads to another
until you can no longer function rationally.
YOUR NUMER ONE PRIORITY
Your number one priority in life is the expansion of
your awareness. By expanding your awareness, you will
remove the “mistaken certainties” which have been
keeping you from being the self-confident person you
would like to be. You do this by:
1. Ceasing to automatically and arbitrarily defend
your personal viewpoints of “right” and “wrong.”
Defending them keeps you in ignorance by blocking
the reception of new ideas.
2. Reassessing
your
concepts,
values,
beliefs,
ideals, assumptions, defenses, aggressions, goals,
hopes and compulsions.
3. Reorganizing and understanding your real needs and
motivations.
4. Learning to trust your intuition.
5. Observing your mistakes and trying to correct
them, being aware that herein lie some of the most
valuable lessons you’ll ever learn.
6. Loving yourself and others.
7. Learning
to
listen
without
prejudging
and
automatically thinking, “This is good;” “That is
bad.” Training yourself to listen to WHAT is being
said without the necessity of believing it.
8. Noticing what you are defending most of the time.
9. Realizing that your new awareness will provide you
with the means and motivation to change for the
better.

16

Begin to ask yourself, “Are my beliefs rational?”
“Could I be mistaken?” If another person held your
beliefs, you would be able to be very objective. You
would, no doubt, present a convincing case why they
may be wrong. Learn to view your own beliefs in this
manner. Question EVERYTHING and draw your own
conclusion only after you have considered all the
possibilities.
There is a positive answer only when the individual
is willing to fulfill the demands of rigorous selfexamination and self-knowledge. If he follows through
his intention, he will not only discover some
important truth about himself, but will have gained a
psychological advantage. He will set his hand, as it
were, to a declaration of his own human dignity and
taken the first step towards the foundation of his
consciousness
- Carl Jung
WHY YOU CAN CHANGE
The starting point of all change is when we change
our DOMINANT BELIEFS that have been limiting our
awareness. It is possible to do this because we make
our own world.
Change is affected through our subconscious mind and
imagination. As Professor James pointed out, it
begins with changing the inner aspects of our
thinking. We know, from experience, that an outward
change will come after we change from within.
By changing our DOMINANT THOUGHTS OR BELIEFS, we
change our inner awareness and hence our outer
circumstances
In the familiar story of Alice Through The Looking
Glass, Alice had a problem.
Before she could
understand her New World, she had to accept new
truths about old, familiar things. She had to make
adjustments to her New World. If you remember the
story, she met some playing cards. She observed that
17

the playing cards had two sides. If she wanted to
really know the whole person, she had to see both
sides of the cards. In other words, she had to get
the TOTAL PICTURE. This is the way it must be with
our life.
Before we can change our life to a more positive
experience, we must challenge anything that is not
working in our lives. This allows us to start
building that bridge between where we are now and
where we would like to be, and from what we are now
to what we would like to become.
The first reason for man’s inner slavery is his
ignorance, and above all, his ignorance of himself.
Without self-knowledge, without understanding the
workings and function of his machine, man cannot be
free, he cannot govern himself, and he will always
remain a slave, the plaything of forces acting upon
him. This is why in all ancient teachings the first
demand at the beginning of the way to liberation was
to “Know Thyself”.
- Gurdjieff
Up to now, your greatest problem has been ignorance
of who you are and who you were meant to be. The
wrong self-image has kept you from releasing your
unlimited potential. You are like a bird in a cage,
which has no idea of how much vast space exists
outside. Your ‘mistaken certainties’ have prevented
you from realizing how truly worthy, capable and
unique you are.

Secret #2
BONDAGE OR LIBERTY?
A self-confident personality is not possible until we
build a solid foundation of self-reliance. Many
people think that a person who is self-reliant must
be aloof, disinterested or unfriendly towards others.
This is a totally false conception. By not being
dependent, the self-reliant person can relate to
18

others with compassion and empathy while, at the same
time, retaining self-confidence and poise. Able to
stand on his or her own two feet, he or she does not
feel the need to manipulate others.
The main deterrent to self-reliance is the mistaken
certainty that others are smarter, wiser or more
intelligent than we are. This causes us to look to
others for our happiness and welfare. The person who
is dependent in this sense must always reach out to
something external. He wants people, circumstances,
conditions or God to do for him what he should be
doing for himself. This causes him to depend,
manipulate, conform, compare and compete.
In this chapter, we shall learn how these destructive
habits act as deterrents to building a self-confident
personality But, first, a word about self-reliance.
SELF-RELIANCE
Self-reliance is not only the belief that you can
handle things and become successful, it is something
more than that. It is having the courage to listen to
your inner prompting for a hint of the kind of
success you truly desire. It means taking your cue
from yourself – not listening to something or someone
outside yourself to get an idea of what you should
be, do or have. When we learn to read the “signs”
correctly and follow our intuition we can begin to
trust ourselves and not follow the beat of someone
else’s drum.
RECOGNIZING AND BREAKING THE DEPENDENCY HABIT
Dependency is slavery by mutual agreement. It is
degrading for both the person who is dependent and
the person who is being depended upon. Both parties
are equally lacking in self-reliance for such a
relationship flourishes on mutual exploitation.
The most unfortunate aspect of dependency is that
when you think you are dependent on another
individual – you are! You neglect to develop the
19

necessary self-reliance to meet and solve your own
problems.
A sure sign of dependency is when you habitually look
up to others as superior. The moment you begin to
compare yourself with anyone you are subjecting
yourself to psychological slavery.
The habit of leaning and depending is so ingrained in
certain individuals that they abdicate all personal
authority in favor of another person, philosophy or
religion. They feel that they will be secure if they
can find a person, organization or religion that that
they can cling to with blind devotion. They allow
this
person,
organization
or
religion
to
be
responsible for their happiness. And, of course, this
includes the luxury of having someone or something to
blame whenever failure occurs.
The leaning, dependent individual is at the mercy of
those around him. Believing others smarter than
himself, he is always looking for someone to lean on
when a new problem confronts him. Subordinate to
those, upon whom he depends, their advice becomes a
command that he feels compelled to follow. And often
there is more than one “advisor” so he is in a
constant state of exhaustion as he tries to decide
whose advice to follow.
Advice is everywhere. Most of it is free and not
worth the price. You usually have a dozen or more
“unpaid advisors” who are more than happy to give you
their opinion. But since others are generally
engrossed in their own problems and do not know what
you really “should,” “ought” or “must” do, you
invariably get the wrong advice. Indeed, accepting
advice from someone who is not qualified to dispense
it is like going a plumber to get your teeth fixed.
Most people can’t solve their own problems, so how
can they advise you to do what they haven’t been able
to accomplish themselves?

20

Overcoming dependency isn’t easy. We have been
conditioned since childhood to look to others for our
welfare, guidance and wisdom. But, while dependency
plays a role in our upbringing and education, it was
never intended to obliterate individual identity.
Each one of us is born with the innate ability to
resolve whatever difficulties we face.
Read this and mark it well. NO ONE CAN EVER LET YOU
DOWN IF YOU ARE NOT LEANING ON THEM. No one can hurt
your feelings, make you unhappy, lonely, angry or
disappointed if you are not dependent on them for
your welfare, inspiration, love or motivation.
The person who is self-reliant does not need to find
a master to lean on. He is able to meet life’s
challenges with confidence and power by looking at
each situation in the light of reality. He sees
things as they are, not as he would like them to be,
and refuses to let his life be dominated by resisting
reality.
Once you have developed self-reliance, you do not
have to procrastinate, escape or evade what is facing
you because you have the confidence to meet each life
situation with self-assurance and poise. You are free
from worry because you know that you are in full
control. You are not separated from your source of
Power. You do not need repeated doses of inspiration
and stimulation from others to do what you have to
do. Instead, you go through life with the realization
that the internal Power within you is greater than
any problem that faces you.
OVERCOMING THE NEED TO MANIPULATE
As a child, you neither knew nor cared about what was
going on in the world around you. Your only concern
was your own welfare. Helplessness made you dependent
on what others would give and do for you. Your
greatest happiness was being fed, held and fondled.
Your main concern was to get as much attention as
possible.
21

You quickly discovered that, if you started to cry,
you could summon an adult to take care of your needs.
Even if you just got bored, you could start crying
and someone would usually appear to comfort you.
Smiling, too, worked exceptionally well. So you soon
learned to smile when you were picked up and cry when
you were put down.
This simple exercise in manipulation set the pace for
the rest of your life. Your entire childhood was
spent developing skills that would make a good
impression on others and influence them to pay
attention to you. Thus, even at this early point in
your life, you were programming yourself to depend on
other people’s approval and to feel rejected when
others disapproved. As a child, behavior like this
was excusable, but, as an adult, it is selfdefeating. If you are still trying to manipulate
others to do that which are sufficiently capable of
doing
yourself,
you
cannot
consider
yourself
emotionally mature.
A growing habit in our culture is to do more and more
for children and expect less and less. Parents guilty
of this are unwittingly cheating their offspring by
allowing them to be dependent for things they should
be doing for themselves.
By spending their first
eighteen years leaning and depending on others,
children are cast in the role of prisoners with good
behavior privileges. It is interesting to note that
this is a human phenomenon. Shortly after birth, all
other species of animal push their young out into the
world where they soon learn independence.
The greatest gift any parent can give their children
is to help them to become self-confident by making
them self-reliant. Children should be given as much
responsibility as they can handle at any age level.
Only through independence will they learn the joy and
privilege and human dignity of standing on their own
two feet.

22

It is a basic responsibility of parents to assist
children
in
making
a
smooth
transition
from
dependency to self-reliance. Children should be
allowed to make and learn from their mistakes. If
not, it is a small wonder that, later life, when they
must do something on their own, the say, I can’t do
it!” Unless they are sure of the outcome, they refuse
to attempt anything because over-protective parents
have always cushioned the way.
Every time you do something that someone is
sufficiently capable of doing for himself or herself,
you are literally stealing from that person. The more
you care for someone, the more alert you must be to
see that you are not depriving them of the
opportunity to think and do for themselves, whatever
the physical or emotional consequences. This is true
not only in parent-child relationships, but in
marriage, family and all interpersonal relationships
as well. We cannot live other people’s lives or bear
their burdens, no matter how much we love them.
The umbilical cord should be cut when children reach
their early teens. I believe that they should be
required to find their own living quarters no later
than the age of eighteen or upon completing high
school. Many parents will rebel against this idea
with what, to them, seems to be logical reasons. But
the fact still remains that nothing builds more selfreliance in a young adult than having to live alone.
It is interesting that almost without exception, the
people who have achieved outstanding success in all
fields of endeavor, including business, government,
arts and sciences, are people who either were
separated from their parents through hardship, or
decided to emancipate themselves in their young adult
years.
We hear such excuses as; “We want to help them
through school.” “It will help them financially to
live at home.”
“It’s just until they get going.”
“They can’t possibly afford their own place and go to
23

school” - and so on. On the surface it may seem like
the parent is doing this for the child, but usually
the motivation is to satisfy his or her own need.
Parents who accept and cultivate this attitude only
delay and make more difficult the ultimate day of
decision when their children must face the adult
world on their own.
Through the mistaken use of
parental love, they have encouraged their offspring
to continue to lean, depend and expect to receive
help and support from others as if they were still
small children.
Now, let’s get our perspective here. We are not
saying that you should not help or give to your
child, mate or family. What we are saying is that you
must allow them the individual freedom to do what
they feel they must do in order to grow and develop.
Assisting them is where the giving comes in. Give
them love, encouragement and recognition for their
accomplishments. These are the vital elements of
growth that they cannot supply for themselves. Even
financial assistance should be considered carefully.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to help the child
financially, but financial assistance should be
offered with a provision for its ultimate repayment.
Individuals who have not developed self-reliance have
no alternative but to use manipulation to get what
they want. If you are not self-reliant, you have to
depend on your skill at influencing people to serve
you and fulfill your needs. If you do use others as a
vehicle to get through life, you cannot possibly go
faster or further than you can convince them to take
you. If you are a parent, always be aware of any
actions that will cause your child to remain in
bondage because he or she will pay dearly for later
in life.
THE FATAL DECISION
OF CONFORMITY
Most of us grew up never having to make any major
decisions. Adults frequently deprived us of this
24

responsibility and made them for us. If we tried to
make a decision or state and opinion, it was never
given any importance. Our parents were the final
authority. We either agreed to their demands or else
tried to talk our way out of what they wanted us to
do.
As we entered adolescence, it became apparent that we
would soon have to decide what was best for us. This
can be a frightening experience as the average
teenager goes forth into the adult world with very
little preparation for what lies ahead. Our home
training and system of education have largely ignored
this vital and necessary part of our growth.
It is at this stage of our lives that we make the
fatal decision to conform. As children, we were
trained to obey or suffer the consequences so it is
little wonder that, as we enter adulthood, most of us
choose to perpetuate conformity as the easiest and
most expedient approach to life. We prefer not to
rock the boat because our need for approval is
usually far stronger than our desire to do what we
really want.
Conformity is one of the greatest psychological evils
of humankind. The person caught in this destructive
habit rarely reaches his or her goals. He wants to be
a great person, independent and do important things.
But he can’t. His primary motivation to always seek
approval prevents him.
The conformist is filled with the need for approval.
He can never get enough. He runs from one person to
another seeking compliments and endorsements for his
behavior and actions. As a child, he turned to
parents and teachers; when he started to work, to his
boss and fellow workers; in marriage, he turns to his
mate. He must always have someone around to pat him
on the head and tell him he is doing a good job. This
bolsters up his poor self-esteem. By constantly
seeking approval, he escapes from the responsibility
of creating his own success and happiness and become
25

totally dependent on others for his well being.
Indeed, he is their psychological slave; a person who
can no longer imagine what life would be like if he
approached it in a self-reliant manner.
Remember what we said earlier? The opposite of
bravery is not cowardice, but conformity. We should
never invest another human being with the power to
either build or wreck our lives, or dominate our
initiative.
HOW COMPARISON BREEDS FEAR
Comparison is a sign of poor self-esteem. The person
who compares himself to others lives in a state of
fear. He fears those he imagines are above him.
Believing them to be superior, he feels he can never
achieve their level of competence. He fears those he
imagines are below him because they seem to be
catching up. If he works in a large company, he is
always looking around him to see who is looming as a
threat. The greater the height to which he arises,
the greater his fear of falling.
The only way to get through life, he concludes, is to
beat people at their own game. But, as his primary
concern becomes being “one up” on the next person on
his imaginary ladder, life loses it enjoyment.
COMPETITON – KILLER OF CREATIVITY
All forms of competition are hostile. They may seem
friendly on the surface, but the prime motivation is
to be or do “better than” the next person. However,
you were placed on this earth to create, not to
compete, so if competition is used as your basic
motivation to do anything, it will literally conspire
against you and defeat you every time. What we’re
saying is that the purpose of life is to BE, not to
compete. As one teacher puts it, “I am for me, not
against anyone!”

26

Although it may appear that the world is a
competitive place, it is only competitive to those
who feel the need to compete. Most people will reject
this idea because of their childhood training where
competition was highly promoted and endorsed. If you
ask them if they think competition is healthy, they
will reply, with great enthusiasm, that it is not
only healthy, but also necessary! They feel that it
gives life meaning, purpose and direction that a
person needs a reward for doing a “good job.” It
never occurs to them that the reward is in the doing
and not in the end result.
We compete with others only when we are unsure of our
abilities and ourselves. Competition is merely
imitation. It originates in early childhood from our
need to copy others. The competitive person feels
that others are better than he and sets out to prove
otherwise. He struggles to surpass those he feels are
superior. In effect, he is always comparing himself
to people around him. The competitive person always
needs someone else to validate how well he is doing.
The self-reliant individual, on the other hand, does
not feel the need to compete. He does not need to
look and see what others are doing or be “better
than” the next person. Recognizing his capabilities
for what they are, he strives for excellence in his
own life. The only competition is with himself; to
achieve greater personal growth and excellence in
what he desires to accomplish.
RECOGNITION

VS.

PRAISE

PRAISE
Oh, how we love the sweet music of praise! Most
people will go to almost any length to hear it. They
will part with their money, work long hours, and take
physical or mental abuse, all for one word of
approval. Just like the junkie, who needs a “fix,”
they will go to any extreme to get “high.” As they
run from one “pusher” of praise to another, they
27

become trapped in an addiction of approval. The more
they are addicted, the more they abdicate their lives
to others for direction.
Praise seeking implies that you must constantly prove
your worth. Every time you make a mistake or do
something you feel does not meet someone else’s
standards, you feel “less than” others. You then
blame yourself and feel guilty for not doing what you
think you “should.” You keep on asking yourself,
“Have I done well enough?” But the person who goes
through life trying to do “well enough” develops the
compulsive need to be or do “better than” others. And
so one ill is piled on top of another. No matter how
hard you try to be better than someone in any given
area; you will feel inadequate because there are
always those who, in your eyes, have surpassed you.
They will have more money, larger homes, greater
prestige, better physical attributes, etc. It is a
game you can never win.
What is there about praise which makes us act like
flies around a sugar bowl? It is the replay of our
childhood dependency when so much of our existence
depended upon parental approval. Praise and blame
were the means of control. If we obedient and
submissive, we were rewarded. If we resisted, we were
punished.
So deeply is the system of reward and punishment
embedded in our subconscious minds and central
nervous systems that we automatically respond to any
form of praise or blame. Just as we spent a large
portion of our childhood and adolescence in trying to
please our parents, so, as adults, we will spend much
of the remainder of our lives trying to please
others.
The most destructive power of praise lies in its
ability to make you identify with your actions.
Praise says, in effect, that you are “good” because
of your “good” acts and “bad” if you make a mistake
or act “badly.” Any time you do not meet the
28

standards of the person praising you, you believe you
have let them down and experience feelings of guilt.
As a result, those who praise you can set you up so
that they are in a position to control much of your
life. As long as you serve their purposes they will
fulfill your needs, but when they want more from you
than you are willing or able to give, they withhold
the praise you seek and motivate you through guilt.
They know that if they can make you feel guilty, you
will do almost anything to regain their approval.
If you are to be totally free and self-confident, you
must cease being caught in the trap of praise
seeking. Breaking this destructive habit requires
that you stop placing others above yourself. Never
look up to anyone for any reason. If you stop looking
up to others you will never have to seek their
approval and will no longer be seduced by praise or
intimidated by blame.
RECOGNITION
There is a world of difference between praise and
recognition. Recognition, as we shall use it here, is
a factual observation. It is neither a compliment,
nor a value judgment. It is simply what the name
implies, recognition that a person has done the best
she or he can based on her or his present level of
awareness.
The major difference between praise and recognition
is that praise is a value judgment. If you tell
someone that he is a “great person” for doing
something for you, you are also saying that he is
“not such a great person” if he doesn’t fulfill your
desires. For example, if your child brings you
flowers, you shouldn’t say, “You are a ‘good boy’ for
bringing me flowers.” If you do, you are implying
that, if he doesn’t bring them, he is a ‘bad boy.’
Instead say, “Thank you for the flowers. I appreciate
them very much.” This way you are giving the child
recognition for his action without placing any value
judgment on him as a person.
29

Adults, young people, and especially children,
respond more positively to recognition than they do
to the sweet talk of praise. They need to know that
they occupy a special place in the lives of those
around them. They want to be treated as persons, not
non-persons; to be accepted for what they are, not
what someone thinks they should be. If they are given
recognition for what they do based on their
capabilities, they will sense that they are being
acknowledged as individuals and not evaluated on the
basis of their actions. They will feel that they are
unique and worthy regardless of whether or not they
measure up to other people’s standards.
The difference between praise and recognition may be
subtle, but it is highly important in developing
total self-confidence. If people are not given the
recognition they need to make them feel accepted as
the truly unique individuals they are, they will
resort to seeking praise and become its prisoner.
FREEING YOURSELF FROM OTHERS
We have already seen the high price we must pay for
dependency and how our whole effort must be
concentrated on trying to pry open the clenched grip
each one of us has on the other. We are reluctant to
lose the approval of family, friends, and co-workers
and peer groups by doing what we feel and know we
should
do.
And
so
we
let
opportunity
after
opportunity pass by, afraid to pay the price of
emancipation. Yet, we can break away any time we
want. So, the problem is not with someone else - the
problem is with us.
Your fundamental responsibility is your own physical
and emotional well being. By not breaking away, you
are contributing to a situation of mutual dependency,
which imprisons those upon whom you rely as well as
you. The fact is that, in the long run, they will get
over
their
hurt
or
disappointment
and,
most
30

importantly, if you meet your own needs first; they
will have new respect for you.
Nothing can stop you from achieving total selfconfidence, if you really want to. But until you free
yourself from the mistaken certainty that dependency,
manipulation, conformity, comparison and competition
are essential to your well being, you will not be
able create the life you desire. Only when you decide
that you are going to do everything you possibly can
to free yourself on a mental, emotional, physical and
spiritual level, you will be able to be the selfconfident person you would like to be. The question
remains - bondage or liberty? The choice is up to
you!

Secret #3
THE ART OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE
Recognition of your own true worth is another crucial
factor in building total self-confidence.
It is a demonstrated fact of life that YOU CAN NEVER
BE “BETTER” THAN YOUR OWN SELF-ESTEEM; that is, how
you feel about yourself in relation to others, based
on your sense of self-acceptance. These feelings are
basically unconscious and have been programmed into
your subconscious since early childhood.
Positive
self-esteem
is
not
the
intellectual
acceptance of one’s talents or accomplishments. It is
personal self-acceptance. Developing positive selfesteem is not an ego trip. You are not in love with
yourself in an egotistical sense. You simply realize
that you are a truly unique and worthy individual;
one who does not need to impress others with your
achievements or material possessions. In fact, the
person who constantly brags and boasts has one of the
classic symptoms of poor self-esteem.
On the surface, many people appear to have positive
or high self-esteem. But this is not always the case.
31

One the tragedies of our time concerns those leaders,
teachers, inventors, artists and people who have made
great contributions to humankind and yet are victims
of their own low self-esteem. Some of the most
admired people in history have become drug addicts,
alcoholics and even committed suicide just to escape
from a self that they could never quite accept and
often grew to hate.
Developing positive self-esteem is not just a matter
of making yourself happy, it is the foundation on
which you must build your whole life. If you ever
hope to be free to create the life you desire, it is
a task that you must take seriously. If you don’t,
you can only expect your low self-esteem to get even
worse as you grow older until you end up like a
tragic number of people who are unhappy, or worse
yet, suicidal.
One of the best ways to build high self-esteem is to
know how low self-esteem is developed and how it
manifests itself in others. You will then be able to
see what you can do to raise your level of selfesteem.
IN THE BEGINNING
There are three major causes of low self-esteem. The
first is a series of self-defeating concepts,
beliefs, and values that you have accepted from your
parents. The second is a unique set of put-downs,
received throughout your school years, from false and
distorted concepts of teachers and such things a
vocational placement analyses and IQ tests.
The third stems from negative religious conditioning
with its over-emphasis on feelings of guilt and
unworthiness.
While
there
are
many
other
contributing factors to low self-esteem, these three
are the most important. This chapter deals with the
first of these.

32

By far the strongest single contributing factor to
our low self-esteem is the low self-esteem of our
parents. This is true especially of our mothers, the
person
with
whom
we
usually
spend
our
most
impressionable years. Since most adults labor under
false concepts, values and beliefs, these are passed
on to children through attitudes, actions and
reactions like a contagious disease. If our parents
feel inadequate and inferior we, as children, will
feel unworthy and, as a result, unable to cope with
even the simplest problems in home or school. In
essence, the “false” assumptions of our parents
become the “facts” of our existence. The following
will help you see why this happens.
From the time you were born, to about five years old,
your brain was developing rapidly. This period of
rapid growth is referred to by psychologists as the
“imprint period.” During this time, your brain
received crucial and permanent impressions, which
helped formulate your behavior patterns. You can
readily see that if one or both parents were
suffering from low self-esteem during this time, how
easily
this
might
be
absorbed
by
a
child’s
impressionable mind.
Low self-esteem started when you made your first
mistake and were told you were a “bad girl” or a “bad
boy.” You misinterpreted this and felt that you were
“bad” when, in reality, only your actions were “bad.”
The truth of the matter is that there is no such
thing as a “bad child.” The only thing “bad” about
any child is the lack of awareness as to what
produces positive results.
Obviously, there are certain things that a child
should
not
do,
things
for
which
reasonable
disciplinary action is necessary. But these, in
themselves, never make the child “bad.” By telling
you that you were a “bad girl,” or “bad boy”, you
identified with your actions rather than recognizing
that your actions are but the means you choose to
fulfill your dominate needs. If a child is not made
33

to understand this and believes that he is basically
bad, he will develop feelings of unworthiness and
inferiority, which will be programmed, into his
subconscious mind. These feelings will subsequently
manifest themselves as shame, self-condemnation,
remorse and, worst of all, guilt.
A low or negative self-esteem is further developed
through the common habit of belittling by comparison.
When parents compare a child with a brother, sister
or, particularly, someone outside the family, the
child’s sense of inferiority is compounded.
In the
light of the flaws he has come to accept as part of
his own make-up, he compares himself to children of
the same age whom he admires. Believing that they are
endowed with more strength, ability, popularity and
self-confidence than he has, a devastating sense of
inferiority overpowers him. If parents were to temper
their criticism with encouraging phrases like,
“You’re far too nice a boy (girl) to let something
like this happen,” this kind of negative programming
could be largely prevented.
Lack of recognition or appreciation of the child’s
unique-ness is another parental failing. Most parents
pay little regard to their children’s feelings,
desires and opinions, rebuffing them with such maxims
as, “Children should be seen and not heard!” and
“Mother/Father knows best!”
Often, they take
disagreement as either a personal affront or an outand-out disrespect. Leading child psychologists agree
that this attitude is due to the parent’s low selfesteem that manifests itself as the need to always be
right.
It is a disturbing fact that a large number of
parents lead their lives vicariously through their
children. Having decided that their child should be
everything they secretly yearned to be and are not,
they push the child beyond his or her capability.
They
want
their
own
unrealized
dreams
of
accomplishment to become reality through their
children. Of course, this is done at the child’s
34

expense. What such parents fail to recognize is that
the child is unable to meet their unreasonably high
standards simply because he or she has not developed
– or may not even have – the emotional, mental, or
physical capacity to do so.
Physical appearance, much more than is realized, is
also a major cause of low self-esteem. A number of
children suffer from physical, mental and emotional
handicaps because of unusual or abnormal physical
appearance. By constantly bringing this to their
attention and telling them that they are “too fat,”
“too tall,” “too slow,” etc., they develop deep
feelings of inferiority that are difficult to
overcome.
Some
parents
place
high
value
on
money
and
possessions. The child identifies with this and is
imprisoned by a materialistic lifestyle, which
demands that he struggles and strives for material
success. Later in life the child often marries for
money and pays a very high price for what they get.
If a high value is placed on money and material
possessions it is not unusual for the child to grow
up spending money he doesn’t have, on things he
doesn’t need to impress people he doesn’t know. As
materialism destroys the child’s perception of his
own true worth, he is committed to a life of chasing
wealth to compensate for feelings of inferiority.
The previous chapter explains how most parents
completely miss the mark when it comes to developing
self-reliance in their offspring. Over-powering,
over-permissive
or
over-possessive
parents
are
usually the ones who turn their child into an
emotional
cripple.
Deprived
of
the
necessary
motivation to face life situations with selfconfidence and poise, the child procrastinates and
takes the path of least resistance. Lack of selfreliance fosters feelings of inadequacy, which in
turn also forms the basis of low self-esteem.
35

Contrary to common belief, raising a child through a
system based primarily on reward and punishment is
guaranteed to perpetuate low self-esteem. The child
must be permitted, without fear of punishment, to
make as many mistakes a necessary to learn his
lessons. Once he has learned them, most likely, he
will never have to repeat them. He will know that,
whatever he does, he either earns his own rewards or
suffers the consequences of his mistakes. The earlier
he realizes this, the better!
The most damaging aspect of low self-esteem is that
we pass it from one generation to another. Research
has tragically demonstrated that suicides follow
along family lines. After what you have just read,
this should not surprise you. It is easy to see that,
if low self-esteem is inherited, in some cases the
resulting manifestation will be extreme.
Besides contaminating our children with our low selfesteem, we tend to contaminate everyone with whom we
come in contact. If we are in a position to influence
others, such as teachers or clergy, we spread the
disease to those who look to us for leadership and
inspiration. They intuitively sense our lack of selfworth and poor self-esteem and inevitably begin to
take on portions of what they identify and associate
with us. I have counseled hundreds of individuals who
have lacked the necessary self-confidence to meet
life situations successfully. Each one of them was
the product of the low self-esteem that was passed on
to them from home, school and/or negative religious
conditioning.
Low
self-esteem
has
many
manifestations
or
addictions. These can be described as the means and
habits we develop to escape the demands of everyday
living. They are simply alibis that permit us to
temporarily avoid facing up to personal reality. The
severity of the addiction we choose is in direct
proportion to our sense of inadequacy and fear of
having to justify who and what we are. The addicted
36

person uses his alibi to cover up the low self-esteem
he doesn’t want others to see.
THE MAJOR ADDICTIONS OF A PERSON WITH LOW SELF-ESTEEM
BLAMING AND COMPLAINING
We blame others and complain to and about them
because we refuse to accept the fact that we are
responsible for everything that happens to us. It is
much easier to blame someone else than to say, “It is
I who has the problem: or, “It is I who must change.”
The person who habitually, complains and blames
others feels inadequate and tries to build himself up
by putting other people down.
FAULT FINDING:
We find fault with others because they do not accept
or comply with our own set of values. We compensate
for our feelings of inadequacy by trying to make
ourselves right and make them wrong. Notice that we
frequently do not like it when they do the things we
most dislike about ourselves. When we find fault with
their actions, in effect we are saying, “I don’t like
myself for doing that, so I can’t let you get away
with it.” It is psychologically true that we tend to
dislike most in other people those faults or
weaknesses that we have within ourselves.
NEED FOR ATTENTION AND APPROVAL
Many people have a compulsive need for attention and
approval. They are unable to recognize and appreciate
themselves
as
worthy,
adequate
individuals
of
importance.
They have a compulsive need for
continuous confirmation that they are “OK,” and that
others accept and approve of them.
LACK OF CLOSE FRIENDS
Persons with low self-esteem usually do not have
close friends. Because they do not like themselves,
37

they generally choose to be either “loners,” living
their lives apart from others, or manifest the
opposite behavior pattern and become aggressive,
overpowering, critical and demanding.
Neither type
of personality is conducive to friendship.
AGGRESSIVE NEED TO WIN:
If we have an obsession to win or be right all the
time, we are suffering from a desperate need to prove
ourselves to those around us. We try to do this
through our achievements. Our motivation is always to
receive acceptance and approval. The whole idea is to
be, in some way, “better than” the next person.
OVERINDULGENCE:
People who “cannot live with themselves” because they
do not like the way they are, usually try to satisfy
their needs through a form of substitution. Feeling
deprived and hurt they seek mental and physical
“opiates” to dull the ache. They medicate themselves
with food, drugs, alcohol or tobacco to get temporary
sensual satisfaction. This allows them to temporarily
cover up their emotional pain and poor self-esteem.
Over indulgence compensates for feelings of selfrejection. It gives them a temporary reprieve from
facing reality and the growing need to change their
habits.
DEPRESSION:
We get depressed because we think something outside
of ourselves is keeping us from having what we want.
We become totally discouraged with ourselves because
we feel out of control, inadequate and unworthy. The
frustration and anxiety in trying to live up to our
own expectations and those of others cause us to have
low self-esteem.
GREED AND SELFISHNESS:

38

Persons
who
are
greedy
and
selfish
have
an
overwhelming sense of inadequacy. They are absorbed
in their own needs and desires that they must fulfill
at any cost to compensate for their lack of selfworth. They seldom have the time or interest to be
concerned with others, even with the people who love
them.
INDECISION AND PROCRASTINATION:
Low self-esteem is frequently accompanied by an
abnormal fear of making mistakes. Afraid that he may
not do what he “should” or what others expect him to
do, he usually does nothing at all or, at least,
delays doing anything for as long as possible. He is
reluctant to make a decision because he feels that he
is incapable of making the “right” one. So, if he
does nothing, he cannot make a mistake.
Another type of person who falls into this category
is the perfectionist.
He has a similar personality
pattern, only he always needs to be “right.”
Basically insecure, he is intent on being above
criticism. In this way, he can feel “better than”
those who, according to his criteria, are less
perfect.
PUTTING UP A FALSE FRONT:
Those who put up a false front feel “less than”
others around them. To counteract this, they often
name-drop, boast or exhibit such nervous mannerisms
as a loud voice or forced laughter, or use material
possessions to impress others. They will not let
anyone discover how they truly feel about themselves
and, in an effort to hide their inferiority, put up
false fronts to keep others – so they think – from
seeing them as they really are.
SELF-PITY:
A feeling of self-pity or the “poor me” syndrome
results from our inability to take charge of our
39

lives. We have allowed ourselves to be placed at the
mercy of people, circumstances and conditions and are
always being pushed one way and then the other. We
permit people to upset, hurt, criticize and make us
angry
because
we
have
a
leaning,
dependent
personality and like attention and sympathy. We often
use illness as a means of controlling others because
we have learned that there is great power in playing
weakness routine. When we are sick or ill, others
will feel sorry for us and give us what we desire.
SUICIDE:
This is the severest form of self-criticism. People
who commit suicide are not trying to escape from the
world, they are escaping from themselves, the self
they have rejected and learned to despise. Instead of
facing up to the condition, which is at the root of
their problem, they feel hurt and resentful and seek
“to put an end to it all.” Their problem, of course,
is low self-esteem.
THE MOST COMMON EMOTIONAL, PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL
CHARACTERISTICS OF
LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Emotional

Physical

Psychological

Aggressive

Sloppy

Anxious

Timid

appearance

Vacillating

False laughter

Wilted handshake

Dislikes, hates,

Boasting

Lackluster eyes

rejects himself.

Impatient

Grossly

Need to be liked

Tries to be

overweight

and accepted by

“better than

Turned

others.

mouth

Unsure

Competitive

Tense and

Thinks he is a

Arrogant

nervous

loser

People Pleaser

Sagging posture

Ridden with

Name Dropper

Weak voice

shame, guilt ,

Critical

Can’t look

blame, remorse

Rebels against

others in the

Needs approval

authority

eye.

Must be “right”

Perfectionist

down

everyone

all the time

40

Domineering

Absorbed

Dominates

problems

Conversation

Needs to win

Procrastinator

Compulsive

Cannot admit

for

mistakes

prestige,

Compulsive

power.

Drinker, Smoker,

Does what others

Talker

want him to do.

need
money,
and

Lives
vicariously
through his
children, TV or
hero worship

Now let’s turn the illuminating glare of truth’s
spotlight on another area of your personality and
consider the quality and structure of what is termed
your AWARENESS.

Secret #4
THE PROBLEM OF AWARENESS
Because we are using familiar words to describe less
familiar ideas, let’s see if we can clarify things a
bit, particularly where the techniques concern you,
personally.
I don’t care what you think you are. You may consider
yourself exceptionally intelligent, overly stupid,
under-weight or overweight. You may be an activist or
a pacifist, an office worker or an executive, a
housewife or a career woman an outgoing, friendly
person or a timid wallflower. You may be an
alcoholic, drug addict, liar, exaggerator, cheat or
neurotic. You may be depressed all the time, fearful
of everyone and everything. You may hate the weather,
dogs, cats, exercise, bumble bees, traffic jams or
spinach. But none of these really describes YOU.
They are only descriptions of the things you DO or
the ACTIONS YOU TAKE.
41

If you identify solely with your actions, you are
falsely perceiving the truth about yourself. You are
judging, limiting, and even rejecting yourself
without justification.
Low self-confidence is simply a problem of Awareness.
Once you are aware of the Truth about yourself, you
will be able to understand why you are the way you
are and, most importantly, learn to love and accept
yourself.
Your Awareness can be defined as the clarity with
which you consciously and unconsciously perceive and
understand everything that effects your life.
It is the sum total of your life experiences,
encompassing
conditioning,
knowledge,
intellect,
intuition, instincts and all that you perceive
through your five senses. Your present level of
Awareness indicates your moods, attitudes, emotional
reactions, prejudices, habits, desires, anxieties,
fears, aspirations and goals. Most important, it
indicates your sense of personal worth; in other
words, how feel about yourself.
Awareness also determines your concept of reality.
Your mind is like a camera that is constantly taking
pictures of the events in your life. You are the one
who decides what kinds of scenes you wish to record
on film and these things make up your Awareness. Your
camera
may
record
other
people’s
negative
characteristics
or
your
own
inadequacies,
hopelessness or despair. You may read newspapers,
watch TV or concentrate on other sources of
dramatized tragedy, sickness or poverty, all of which
are absorbed or mentally recorded. As you focus and
file, focus and file, you eventually accept these
things as reality, because you have the pictures to
prove it.
The problem is that truth and reality are not
necessarily the same. If your mind has accepted false
concepts, values and beliefs about yourself and
42

others, your Awareness will be distorted. Although
you will be operating from the wrong viewpoint, it
will seem like the truth and you will take on the
personality and behavior patterns to justify it. This
all goes back to what we said in Chapter 1.
Every decision you make and every action you take is
based on your present level of awareness.
YOU ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Does this statement surprise you? Most people are
shocked when they first hear it. You have been told
for years that you can and should be “better”. And
while this is basically good advice, if it is to be
acted upon, it must be considered in the context of
what constitutes your present level of Awareness.
The fact is that you can never do better than you are
doing at this moment because you are limited by your
present level of Awareness. TO KNOW BETTER IS NOT
SUFFICIENT TO DO BETTER. You will only “do better”
when your present level of Awareness has changed.
ACCEPTING REALITY
It is imperative for you to recognize that you will
be happy and at peace with yourself only to the
degree you accept you are doing your best at the
moment. Once you do, you will no longer be vulnerable
to the adverse opinions of others. Conversely, if you
don’t like what others are doing because, in your
eyes, it is not “right” or “fair,” you have no
justification for condemning and blaming them or
making them feel guilty. The fact is that no one –
either you or the other person – can do “better” than
his or her “best” at the moment.
You must learn to accept the reality of the moment
and realize that no other action is possible at the
time.

43

Reality is the same for everyone. The difference
between yours and someone else’s is your perception
of it. No two people have the same awareness. No two
people have the same background and experiences and
so their way of perceiving life, their values,
concepts, beliefs, assumptions and aspirations will
be difference.
The personal reality of each one of us consists of
the mental, emotional and physical characteristics we
cannot change at this given moment. Your personal
reality, then, is the sum total of your present level
of awareness, values, beliefs and concepts – right or
wrong – that you embrace right now. As perception is
always colored and influenced by awareness, if your
awareness is faulty, so is your perception - even if
you are sure you are right.
Every decision you make and every action you take is
based on your present level of awareness.
Note that practically all your emotional and most of
your physical problems are the result of resisting
your own or someone else’s reality, or the reality of
a situation that, at the moment, you are unable but
desperately want to change. Your refusal or inability
to accept things as they are is at the root of the
problem. If you examine most of your disappointments
and frustrations you will clearly see that you are
resisting something that cannot immediately be
changed.
We resist reality, or “what is,” because we are under
the false and destructive assumption that we can
change it. But things are the way they are in the
present moment whether we want to accept that fact or
not. Only when we can consciously recognize a
particular phase of reality for what it is in the
present moment is our resistance to it overcome.
The key to change is to accept other people’s
behavior without feeling that you have “to set them
right.” You must allow them the personal freedom to
44

live according to their own individual Awareness,
however distorted and faulty it may be. To do this,
you must learn to love and accept yourself first. If
you are still judging yourself, you will feel
compelled to judge others, thereby resisting their
reality and present level of Awareness.
You can only be compassionate and understanding of
others to the degree that you are compassionate and
understanding of yourself.
If you are not conscious that you are resisting
reality, there is no way for you to break this
destructive habit. You will always feel a need to
judge things as “good” or “bad,” “right” or “wrong,”
“fair” or “unfair.” You will believe that people and
circumstances are conspiring against you because you
refuse to face up to WHAT IS. And so you live in a
world of wishful thinking where things “should be”
but are not, a certain way.
It is a demonstrated fact of life that what happens
to you is not nearly as important as the degree of
intensity with which you resist the reality of a
particular situation or individual. To put it another
way, you can’t help the way you feel about things,
but you can help the way you think and react to them.
You may not like the reality of a situation, but you
must accept it for the present moment. In so doing,
you will have control over your actions and
reactions.
One doesn’t have to be a mental giant to see that
resistance to reality is the cause of more heartache,
headaches, resentment, hostility and family problems
than anything else. You cannot possibly feel hurt
emotionally, get angry, resentful or bitter towards
another, nor can you ever feel “less than” or be “put
down” and hurt by others without resisting reality.
THE DESTRUCTIVE POWER OF VALUE-JUDGING

45

The
basic
cause
of
most
inharmonious
human
relationships is the tendency to impose our values on
other people. We want them to live by what we have
decided is “right,” “fair,” “good,” etc. If they do
not conform, we become resentful and angry, not
recognizing that their level of Awareness makes them
unable to comply.
By now, you must realize that there is nothing we can
do to alter people’s values, concepts or beliefs if
their Awareness is not ready to accept change. No one
is obligated to change just to make the world a
better place for you to live in. People may disturb
or anger you, but the fact that not everyone objects
to their behavior indicates that the problem is not
theirs, but yours. You are resisting their reality
and desiring to see things, not as they are, but as
you would like them to be. This is the point at which
you start value judging.
Your motivation cease value-judging should encompass
the knowledge that all value-judgments of “good and
bad”, “right and wrong”, “fair and unfair” are
totally unfounded because everyone must inevitably do
what their present level of Awareness permits them to
do – no more, no less.
Read this again! Let it become part of your
Awareness. If you fully comprehend what is being
said, you will no longer feel the need to place value
judgments on yourself and others.
Simply to avoid value judging others because you have
been told that it is inappropriate is not enough. You
must cease value judging yourself first, and then you
will cease value judging others. This will allow you
to start loving both yourself and others. When you
learn to love and appreciate yourself, you will no
longer be self-demanding and self-critical.
As soon as you start loving others as they are,
others will start loving you as you are. They won’t
have any other choice. Think about it! Who are the
46

people to whom you are most attracted? They are those
people whom you consider your close friends, the
people who, no matter what they know about you, never
pass value judgments.
The secret of loving and being loved is to stop value
judging – forever!
UNDERSTANDING YOUR MOTIVATION
Perhaps motivation is one of the most misunderstood
words in the English language. Executives often ask
me to visit a company to “motivate” their employees.
They are surprised when I reply that I cannot. All I
can do, hopefully, is to inspire them to change their
Awareness.
It is important for you to have a clear understanding
of what motivation is. Motivation describes your
attitude when you would rather do one thing more than
another at a particular time.
EVERYONE IS ALWAYS MOTIVATED. Whether you are
actively seeking success in a certain field or are
just plain lazy and prefer to sit in a chair - you
are motivated. If you didn’t want to sit around and
do nothing, you would do something else, and that
would become your motivation. The fact is that you
can’t start the slightest activity without first
being motivated. What you must recognize is the
difference between positive and negative motivation:
the motivation to do something worthwhile and
constructive and the motivation to do something,
which is destructive to your well being.
In essence, no one can be motivated. Everyone is
self-motivated. Keep this in mind - YOU WILL ALWAYS
DO WHAT YOU WOULD RATHER DO THAN NOT DO. This
generates your particular motivation.
Every action you take is a response to a personal
need or desire that is determined by your present
level of Awareness. Normally, your basic motivation
47

is to “feel good” – mentally, physically, emotionally
and spiritually. If your needs in any one of these
areas are unfulfilled, they will create a sense of
frustration and anxiety and you will do whatever you
feel necessary to make yourself comfortable, even if
that action is harmful to yourself.
HOW TO MOTIVATE YOUSELF POSITIVELY
If you want to have a more positive life experience,
you must be convinced that any change you make will
bring about the gratification of a particular need or
desire.
Positive self-motivation begins with changing your
Awareness. To make a constructive change in your
life, you must evaluate the potential benefits for
any given action. Then you must convince yourself
that the benefits will justify or outweigh the price
you have to pay for them.
Others may inspire or even threaten you to make a
change, but it is YOU who must motivate yourself by
means of “profit and loss” comparison. To some
degree, you have been doing this all your life, only
now you can make certain that the process will work
for instead of against you.
The criminal, alcoholic, overeater or drug addict
have all gone through the same process and, based on
their levels of Awareness, decided that addiction is
worth whatever price they have to pay for it. Once
their
Awareness
changes
–usually
under
tragic
circumstances – they realize that the cost of
escaping from reality and a self they have come to
hate is too high for what they are receiving in
return. And so their motivation sets them on a more
positive course.
You will find it most helpful to cultivate the use of
two familiar but often neglected words: “wise” and
“unwise.” All your actions and the actions of others
should viewed as either wise or unwise.
Nothing
should be judged as “good” or “bad,” “fair” or
48

“unfair,” “right” or “wrong”. These are only moral
judgments based on your present Awareness or the
collective Awareness of society.
The terms “wise” and “unwise” do not impose value
judgments. They allow you to observe your actions or
the actions of another and, on the basis of
Awareness, decide if they are “wise” or “unwise.” At
no time is the person being judged. It is important
to understand that your actions may be “bad”, but you
are never “bad.” This same understanding must, in
turn, be extended by you to everyone else.
I hope, by now, that you can see it is impossible to
“motivate” people to change by telling them what they
“must,” “should” or “ought” to do. They can only
change through their own conscious decisions. You may
inspire,
frighten
or
threaten
them,
but
the
motivation generated will only be temporary to
fulfill their dominant need which, for that moment,
is to get you off their backs. They will not change
their habits permanently until they are convinced
that the change will be beneficial to them in
relation to the price they have to pay. More
importantly, they will not change until their
Awareness is changed.
TAKING RESPONSIBILITY
You have the right and option to choose anything you
want to do – anything at all. No one else can choose
for you. The Creator has given you free will to do
anything you wish within the limits of your
intellectual and physical capabilities.
This means you are allowed to make mistakes, fail,
lie, cheat, cry, shout, be lazy, angry, selfish,
loyal, aggressive, rejected, hurt; to overindulge in
food, drink or sex; to take drugs, change your mind
or do anything else you want. The Divine gift of free
will is always yours. Free will certainly does not
imply that you must make the “right” choice all the
time! Your choice is only as “right” as your present
49

level of Awareness. However, keep in mind that you
are responsible for consequences of all your choices.
You have learned that, when you make any decision, it
is based on a level of Awareness, which is at a fixed
point for that moment. You can do one thing and only
one thing based on your current Awareness. Thus you
are always doing the best you can under the present
circumstance.
You must give yourself the right to
make mistakes because it is through mistakes that
your Awareness is expanded.
You will never be free until you learn to be true to
yourself and accept full responsibility for your own
life and the fulfillment of your needs. But, in doing
so, you must also accept full responsibility for
every
thought,
word,
deed
and
decision
for,
inevitably, you will have to pay the price for each.
To use an old adage: if you want to dance, you must
be prepared to pay the fiddler. You will learn and
grow according to the nature and consequences of your
actions.
Keep in mind that nothing you do is “right” or
“wrong,” “good” or “bad.” It is only wise and unwise.
As, hopefully, you progress from ‘unwise’ to ‘wise’
actions; the importance of this terminology will
become increasingly evident.
In regard to wise or unwise decisions, before you
take
any
action,
ask
yourself
the
following
questions:
•
•
•
•
•
•

Is this a wise or an unwise act?
Will it contribute to my basic needs?
Will it harm me or someone else?
What is the total price I must pay?
Is it in harmony with Laws of the Universe, as I
understand them?
Am I willing and able to pay this price and accept
the consequences?

50

By asking these questions, you will put yourself in
full conscious control of your life. They will help
you to build a new Awareness based upon the knowledge
that the person to whom you are accountable for all
your actions is YOU. The logic of this is quite
evident when you consider that it is you who will
reap the reward or suffer the consequences.
THE HOLD OF HABIT
Habits make you the person you are. It is impossible
to make a major change in your life without
destroying the compulsive hold they have upon you.
Unless you are happy, healthy, calm, peaceful, selfreliant and successful in every area of your life,
changing self-defeating habits must take priority in
your life.
Most of us have no idea how much our lives are built
around so-called “bad habits.” We have programmed the
wrong responses into our subconscious minds and
central nervous system. This causes us to respond the
way we have conditioned ourselves to feel and act, no
matter how negative false, distorted or destructive
this might be.
Consequently, we must go through a
period of unlearning or deprogramming in order to
change our negative, self-defeating habit patterns.
YOU CANNOT GIVE UP ANYTHING YOU REGARD AS DESIRABLE
No amount of will power is of any use unless we
really want to give up old habits. Most of the time
we want to get rid of their painful effects but are
not willing to give up the habits themselves.
The reason most diets fail after a short time is that
the dieter starts feeling deprived. He has the desire
to lose weight; to look and feel better, but he has
no desire to give up overeating. The end result is
that his mind is constantly filled with thoughts of
food. The more he thinks about food, the more
conscious he becomes of it until the desire to eat
overtakes his will power.
51

We should not deceive ourselves that we can change
our lives by self-discipline alone; by hoping that we
can force ourselves to make a change. If a person
really wants to lose weight, he must be “sold” on the
idea of getting rid of the habit of overeating that
has been serving as compensation for tensions and
unfulfilled needs. He will seldom, if ever, stop
simply because he thinks he should. To do only
generates feelings of guilt, frustration and anxiety,
all of which produce resistance to change.
Before you can change any habit, you must fully
recognize and accept that you have one. The fact that
you can’t accept your faults is the reason why you
can’t overcome them. Verbally condemning your bad
habits and yourself for having them only tightens
their hold, thereby defeating all efforts to suppress
them. Feeling guilty just makes the hold stronger.
Alfred Adler put it this way. “Either do wrong OR
feel guilty, but don’t do BOTH. It’s too much work.”
This is a great piece of advice!
We must create new, more positive habits by
eliminating our negative habits through substitution,
by providing worthy, positive thoughts and actions to
replace them. If your parents took something away
from you as a child, they usually offered you
something else in return. This kept your mind off
what they had taken from you.
There are some things we will give up readily. This
is because we have placed an importance on these
things and recognize their destructive effect on our
lives. The more importance you place on something,
the more willing you are to do something about it.
POSITIVE HABIT CONDITIONING PROGRAM
Use the following program to condition yourself to
substitute
any
negative
habit
that
you
find
detrimental to your well being.
52

STEP ONE
Write down the following:
A. What negative habit do you desire to replace?
B. What positive habit or attitude will you develop
to replace it?
C. What actions will
negative habit?

you

take

to

replace

your

D. What is the easiest and most logical way to do
this?
STEP TWO
A.

Visualize yourself as already having succeeded in
changing your habit. See yourself enjoying the
benefits of your new positive habit.

B.

Use a positive affirmation to go along with the
visualization. (more about affirmations later)

STEP THREE
Observe your actions and note every time you fail to
do what your promise. Remember, DO NOT condemn or
scold
yourself.
Simply
make
a
non-judgmental
observation and allow yourself to make the necessary
correction.
STEP FOUR
Keep a record for at least twenty-one days.
After you consciously choose your new positive habit
pattern, these four steps will enable you to program
it into your subconscious. It will then become and
automatic response action.
If you have established negative responses to life
situations, your automatic mechanism will cause you
53

to respond the way you have conditioned yourself to
FEEL and ACT.
It is advisable to monitor your responses or habit
patterns by using the following three-step formula to
evaluate and correct them.
1. Remove anything in your life that is not working
for your good.
2. See what is working for you and
program that into your subconscious.

continue

to

3. Add new things you find desirable that are likely
to work for you.
Use the above formula for the rest of your life and
you will find that you will gain self-confidence and
your life will be full of successful experiences.
Remember these important facts about changing your
habits:
A. Recognize and accept the fact that you have a
negative habit and place no value judgement on
yourself.
B. Before starting to change your habit, weight the
potential benefits against the price you will have
to pay for overcoming it.
C. Understand that no amount of will power is of any
use unless you really want to give up a habit.
D. You must be convinced that change will bring about
the gratification of a particular need or desire.
E. Above all, do not feel guilty, condemn or blame
yourself for your present condition. Up to now,
you have only done what your level of Awareness
has allowed you to do.

54

As a new habit becomes stronger we are less and less
tempted by the old one. We must always be aware of
our thoughts and actions and keep our dominant
thoughts focused on what we want instead of what we
don’t want.

Secret #5
I’M NOT GUILTY, YOU’RE NOT GUILTY
Guilt is one of the most common forms of stress in
our society. The world is full of guilt-ridden
people. Unless you are one of those rare individuals
who have overcome this destructive emotion, you
probably share a variety of unnecessary guilt
feelings with the vast majority.
Most of us have been conditioned to feel guilty.
Family, friends, society, schools; loved ones and
religion have consciously or unconsciously turned us
into guilt machines.
We have been reminded since
childhood of our so-called “bad behavior” and made to
feel guilty about things we did or didn’t do, or said
or didn’t say. Since most of us are conditioned to
seek approval from others, we cannot handle guilt
when it is imposed upon us from an outside source.
Guilt is the master tool of the manipulator. All a
person has to do is to make us feel guilty and we
feel compelled to get back into their good graces as
soon as possible. Most people can be manipulated into
doing just about anything if they can be made to feel
guilty enough.
Why do we permit this to happen? Simply because guilt
has been associated with caring and, if you don’t
care, you are a “bad person.” The truth is that guilt
has nothing whatsoever to do with caring. Rather, it
is a manifestation of neurotic behavior, behavior
which, oddly enough, is accepted as “normal” by most
people. In other words, to show that you really care,
you are expected to feel guilty. If you don’t, then
55

you don’t really care. This twisted line of reasoning
controls the lives of a tragic number of individuals.
It is interesting to note that, in my classes, when I
say one must never feel guilty; someone invariably
raises his hand and asks, “Do you mean that I
shouldn’t ever feel guilty about anything?” Of
course, what he is trying to say is that he has been
so conditioned into feeling guilty that he feels
guilty about not feeling guilty!

A LOOK AT MORALITY
A great many actions that are labeled “good” or “bad”
by certain individuals, society or religious groups
are nothing more than moral value-judgments based on
their present levels of Awareness, which may be
faulty. What is moral and right for you today, may
not be moral and right for you tomorrow at another
time or in another place. For morality varies from
place to place and time to time.
Thomas Moore put it very well when he said,
I find the doctors and the sages
Have differ’d in all climes and ages
And two in fifty scarce agree
On what is pure morality.
Laws that are based on morality are not Universal
Laws, for Universal Laws are immutable. They are few,
simple
and
enforceable
everywhere,
always,
automatically, without interference or moral value
judgment by any group, religion or individual. There
is no Universal Law to support guilt. Remember, GUILT
IS A LEARNED EMOTIONAL RESPONSE.
THE SEVEN MAJOR FORMS OF GUILT
PARENT – CHILD GUILT
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As a child, you were made to feel guilty by the
adults around you and by your family in particular.
After all, if they felt guilty, it was good enough
for them, so it must be enough good for you too! If
they didn’t like what you did or said, you were told
that you were a “bad girl” or a “bad boy.” A value
judgment was placed on you instead of your actions.
Throughout your growing years, especially the first
five years, you were conditioned to respond to “good”
and “bad,” “right and “wrong.” Guilt was enforced
through the reward and punishment system. It was at
this time that you began to identify with your
actions.
Parents unwittingly use guilt as a means of
controlling their children. They tell a child that,
if he doesn’t do a certain thing, he will make them
unhappy. Their weapons are phrases like, “What will
the neighbors think?” “You embarrassed us!” “You
disappointed us!” “Where are your manners?” And the
list goes on and on. Whenever you failed to please
your parents, it was time for them to play the guilt
game. As a result, you developed a behavior pattern
of pleasing others first to avoid feeling guilty. You
said what people wanted you to say and did what they
wanted you to do. You were conditioned to believe
that, by conforming, you would please others. And so
you developed the never-ending need to make a good
impression.
CHILD-PARENT GUILT
In a reversal of the parent-child guilt game,
children frequently use guilt to manipulate their
parents. Most parents want to be viewed as “good”
parents and cannot cope with the feeling that their
child thinks they don’t love them. To coerce them,
the child uses statements like, “You really don’t
love me!” or “So-and-so’s parents let him do it.” The
child also reminds them of the things they did or
didn’t do, things the child intuitively knows will
produce guilt feelings.
57

This behavior was learned by watching adults. The
child doesn’t know exactly how it works, only that it
is most effective in getting what he wants. Since
manipulation is the main concern in childhood, it
doesn’t take long for the child to catch on.
As you have previously learned - guilt is a learned
emotional response. It is not natural behavior in a
child. If your child is trying to manipulate you
through guilt, you can be sure he picked up the
tactics from a good teacher – YOU!
GUILT THROUGH LOVE
“If you loved me…” are some of the most guiltproducing words used in a love relationship to
manipulate the other partner. When we say, “If you
loved me, you would do this,” we are really saying,
“Feel guilty if you don’t do it!” or “If you refuse,
you really don’t care about me.”
Since we have been conditioned that we must show that
we care, we are easily manipulated by these guilt
phrases And, if these phrases don’t work, we can
always resort to other tactics such as the silent
treatment, refusal of sex, hurt feelings, anger,
tears or tantrums.
Another tactic is to use guilt to punish our partners
for behaviors that we feel are inconsistent with our
values and beliefs. We bring up past transgressions
and remind them of how “wrong” they were and how they
disappointed us and let us down. As long as we can
keep this guilt game going, we can manipulate them
into doing what we want. When they do not live up to
our beliefs, expectations and values, we use guilt to
“set them right.” These are but a few of the ways we
use guilt in a love relationship.
SOCIETY-INSPIRED GUILT

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This starts in school when you fail to please your
teacher. You are made to feel guilty about your
behavior by being told that you could have done
better or that you have let your teacher down.
Without getting to the root of the problem - the
student’s faulty Awareness - teacher-inspired guilt
makes less work for the teacher and is an effective
means of control.
Our prison system is an excellent example of the
guilt theory in action. If you go against society’s
moral code, you are punished by confinement in an
institution. During this time, you are supposed to
feel guilty for what you have done. The worse the
crime, the longer you have to feel guilty. You are
then released without the real problem – your faulty
Awareness, specifically your poor self-esteem – being
corrected. The end result is that most prisoners end
up back in prison after committing another crime.
Guilt feelings over social behavior condition you to
worry about what others say or think of your actions.
This is why etiquette is so strongly adhered to. To
most people, it is a life and death matter, which
side of the plate to place the fork!
We have become so concerned about other people’s
opinions or being politically correct, that we have
monitored everything we say and do so that we don’t
offend anyone.
SEXUAL GUILT
Most people experience sexual guilt. The root cause
of sexual guilt is religion. Religion has decided
what forms of sexual expression are “good” or “bad,”
“natural” or “sinful”. These moral value judgments
have been passed on from generation to generation
like a contagious disease.
If your value system included any form of sexual
expression
that
was
considered
“morally
unacceptable”; you were made to feel guilty and
59

shameful. Things like masturbation, premarital sex,
pornography, homosexuality; abortion and the like
were all “bad” and “sinful.” The result is that most
people have a variety of sexual hang-ups and
repressed feelings of guilt.
Conditioned since childhood on the evils of sex, it
is impossible for the average person to enjoy certain
forms of sexual pleasure without a sense of guilt.
This will not change until we learn this valuable and
basic lesson: There is no need to feel guilty about
any form of sexual expression which is within one’s
own value system and does not physically harm another
person. More importantly, it is neither, “right” or
“wrong” regardless of what other people say or think.
Keep in mind that guilt is nothing more than a value
judgment placed upon us by an outside authority
figure.
RELIGIOUS GUILT
Religion has done more than its share to develop and
instill deep-seated guilt feelings. Indeed, it may
well take credit for the Original Sin of Guilt, as
guilt is the means by which religion keeps its
followers in line.
Through the mistaken interpretation of perfection,
many religious denominations instill guilt in those
who do not meet their moral value judgments based on
their interpretation of the Scriptures.
They start with the premise that all judgment is
based on perfection. Perfection, they say, is “good,”
imperfection “bad.” This mistaken interpretation of
perfection has limited comprehension of the word’s
true meaning. If you put ten thousand of the same
objects under a microscope, you would see that no two
are exactly alike.
It is a biological, physiological, psychological and
metaphysical fact that each entity is distinctly
different.
Each individual is an expression of
60

Creative Intelligence.
Perfection, and
else for that matter, is relative.

everything

Wallace Stevens put it this way,
Twenty men crossing a bridge
Into a village,
Are twenty men crossing twenty bridges?
Into twenty villages…
Some religions, by expecting two people to perceive
God, Truth and the Scriptures in the same way, have
doomed their followers to failure.
Paradoxically, to be “perfect,” you must have some
flaws.
Imperfections are the means by which you
learn to grow and by which humankind is spurred on to
create. To have no imperfections is to have no need
to develop mentally, emotionally or spiritually. This
means we must allow ourselves the freedom to grow
mentally, emotionally and spiritually untainted by
guilt.
It is difficult for someone who has been programmed
into believing that all sin is “bad” to see value
and, yes, even beauty in sin and error. Religion says
that sin is “bad”, yet few clergymen would deny that
we learn from our mistakes. The difference may well
be whether or not we learn the particular lesson they
wish to teach us!
Some of the world’s outstanding achievements have
come from individuals whose imperfections spurred
them on to creative effort.
If you read the
biography of any great man or woman who has made a
significant contribution to humankind, you will see,
almost without exception, a person with flaws, many
of which society has labeled “sinful.”
Being aware
of this should enable you to put your own guilt into
perspective.
Guilt
is
unnecessary
and
selfdestructive. Having the desire to overcome so-called
“imperfections, sins and mistakes” is sufficient.
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SELF-IMPOSED GUILT
The most destructive form of guilt is that which is
self-imposed. This is guilt we impose on ourselves
when we feel that we have broken our own moral code
or the moral code of society. It originates when we
look at our past behavior and see that we have made
an unwise choice or action. We examine what we did –
whether
it
was
criticizing
others,
stealing,
cheating, lying, exaggerating, breaking religious
rules or committing any other act we feel is wrong –
in the light of our present value system. In most
cases, the guilt we feel is an attempt to show that
we care and are sorry for our actions. Essentially
what we are doing is whipping ourselves for what we
did and attempting to change history. What we fail to
realize is that the past cannot be changed.
There is a world of difference between feeling guilty
and learning from the past. Going through a selfinflicted guilt sentence is a neurotic trip you must
stop if you want to develop total self-confidence.
Feeling guilty does not build self-confidence. It
will only keep you a prisoner of the past and
immobilize you in the present. By harboring guilt,
you are escaping the responsibility of living in the
present and moving toward the future.

GUILT ALWAYS BRINGS PUNISHMENT
Guilt always brings punishment. The punishment may
take many forms including depression, feelings of
inadequacy, lack of self-confidence, poor selfesteem, an assortment of physical disorders and the
inability to love others and ourselves. Those who
cannot forgive others and hold resentment in their
hearts are the same people who have never learned to
forgive themselves. They are the guilt-ridden people.
Trying to ignore your mistakes is just as damaging as
holding on to the guilt that they have caused you.
Mistakes should be treated like a speck of dust in
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the eye. As soon as you identify the problem, don’t
condemn yourself or feel guilty for having it. Just
get rid of it. The sooner you do, the sooner you will
be free from the pain it is causing you. Only then
will you be able to live a creative life, build selfconfidence and express your unlimited potential.
LEARNING FROM THE PAST
Learning
from
past
behavior
is
important
to
developing total self-confidence. But feeling guilty
about what you have done is not learning from the
past. Learning from the past means recognizing
mistakes and resolving, to the best of your ability
and Awareness, not to repeat them.
Mentally whipping yourself over what you have done or
wasting valuable time and energy on feeling guilty,
shameful or unworthy is not part of this lesson. Such
negative emotions only prevent you from changing your
present
life
experience
because
your
dominant
attention is focused on the past.
Nobody can live in the past and function creatively
in the present. Your mind cannot cope with two
realities at the same time. Your life reflects
whatever occupies your dominant attention. If you are
giving your dominant attention to what you have or
should have said and done, the present will be one of
frustration, anxiety and confusion. This too high of
a price to pay. It is far better to forgive yourself
and, with a positive attitude, move on toward the
future.
REMEMBER – YOU ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
You always do your best. Mark it well and don’t
forget it! Every decision you make and every action
you take is based on your level of Awareness at that
moment. You can never be “better than” your present
level of Awareness, for it is the clarity with which
you perceive any situation. If your Awareness is
faulty, you will have a faulty experience, which may
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cause you to do or say things you will regret later
on. Because your Awareness is always fixed at a
certain level, whatever you did or didn’t do whatever
you said or didn’t say, was your best, even if your
best was faulty or unwise. The simple fact is that
you had only one choice and that was governed by your
Awareness at that moment.
YOU ARE NOT YOUR ACTIONS
Your actions are only the means you use to fulfill
your dominant needs. They may be “wise” or “unwise”
but this does not classify you as “good” or “bad.” At
the very source of your Being, you are a spiritually
perfect individual who, for the moment, may be acting
upon a faulty Awareness. The Scriptures state clearly
that you are made in the “image and likeness of God”.
If this is true, then you must already be perfect but
are prevented from this realization by your existing
Awareness. The more you accept this truth, the more
you will be able to express that perfection. It helps
to remember that - God doesn’t turn out faulty
products!
MAKE A GUILT DIARY
Here is a personal experiment you will find
interesting and helpful. For the next twenty-one days
keep a Guilt Diary.
Observe yourself in action for
this three-week period.
Make notes and record all
the details:
1. Every time
guilty.

you

try

to

make

someone

else

feel

2. Every time someone tries to make you feel guilty.
3. Every time you try to make yourself feel guilty.
By doing this, you will become acutely aware of how
much time is spent playing the guilt game. Every time
you try to make yourself or someone else feel guilty,
stop right then and there and make a correction. This
64

will change your habit patterns and soon you will
cease playing the game altogether.
Every time you sense someone is trying to make you
feel guilty, let them know that their game is no
longer effective. The victim must let the exploiter
know that he or she is no longer vulnerable. At first
they won’t believe you because they have been using
guilt to manipulate you for so long. But once they
realize that you no longer need their approval and
will not play the guilt game, they will cease using
guilt as a means to exploit you.

Secret #6
THE POSITIVE POWER OF LOVE
Love has inspired books, songs, works or art, great
achievements and even the course of history. It is
the bond that holds humankind together.
There are many definitions of love, yet each one is
inadequate. Love can be found in the dictionary
somewhere between ‘like’ and ‘lust.’ And maybe that’s
where it belongs!
To understand what love is, we have to understand
what love is not. Love is not hate, violence,
ambition or competition. It is not infatuation.
Infatuation focuses only on external traits and is
merely a form of conquest, which fills a personal
need that is invariably followed by disappointment.
For example, a woman marries a man because he is
handsome, then says that all he thinks about is his
looks.
She marries him because he is intelligent,
then feels stupid and accuses him of knowing it all.
She marries him because he is steady and sensible,
then finds him boring and dull. She marries him for
his money, then is unhappy because all he thinks
about is business. She marries him because his is
sexy, then objects when he is sexually attractive to
65

other women. And on and on it goes! The same example
can be used for a man as well. This is not love, it
is merely infatuation.
Love in not sex. You can have sex without love, and
love without sex. But when sex and love are combined,
the result is a beautiful, spiritual experience, one
unequalled by any other.
What, then, is love? Love is the attracting, uniting,
harmonizing Force of the Universe.
Love is the desire to support a person in being all
that they can be. It’s helping the other person to
grow emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Most of
all, love is allowing another person the complete
freedom to be himself or herself and accepting that
person without trying to change them.
The problem with many relationships is that love is
one-sided. In order for a relationship to be
balanced, you must give, but also expect to receive.
Your needs must be met as well as those of your
partner. The compulsion to keep giving without
expecting a return, or keep receiving without
expecting to give, does not support true love.
To love means to love. Period! It doesn’t imply
conditions such as “I will love you if…” “I will love
you as long as…” or “I will love you when…” Love that
implies conditions is nothing more than emotional
blackmail.
A child’s ability to love is usually set by the time
he or she is approximately two years old. This is why
it is important to build the child’s self-esteem
during this period. The child must learn that he or
she is accepted for who they are and that love (or
withholding love) is not based on his or her actions.
Often, young girls do not learn that they can be
loved for who they are. They feel they need a man to
make them feel loved and valuable. They will often
marry the first man that comes along who tells them
66

what they want to hear – that they are loved. Sensing
her inferiority, the man will often play on her
feeling of inadequacy and try to dominate her. Since
she
really
does
not
love
herself,
she
will
obsessively seek the approval and the love she didn’t
get as a child. The odds are that she will end up
either in the divorce court or with a husband who is
an alcoholic, mentally, physically or emotionally
abusive, or perhaps something worse. If selfconfidence, self-acceptance and the acceptance of
others had been cultivated early in life, this could
have been avoided.
It is important in a relationship to preserve love.
In order to do this, it is necessary to realize that
you are not a couple or twosome or anything else.
Despite the abundance of poetic imagery, it is
literally impossible to merge two human beings as
one. You are simply separate individuals who have
found a great deal to share together. You came into
the world alone, and you will leave this world alone.
It is sheer folly to promise to love another person
forever. While it is beautiful to hear someone
declare that they will love us forever - it is an
empty promise. Think about it for a moment. You
cannot count on your lover loving you forever, no
matter what he or she says, for love is a moment-bymoment experience. Yesterday's love has been spent,
tomorrow’s love is not here yet, and today’s love
must be earned.
The fact is that love will only continue as long as
each person fulfills a need and contributes to the
relationship.
And
love
must
continue
if
a
relationship is to be held together. A legal contract
won’t do it!
In order or preserve love, one partner must not
attempt to change the other. This happens much too
often and is a major contributing factor to break-up
and divorce.
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Love, romance and excitement are all possible when
you permit your partner to express his or her own
individuality. When a relationship is not stifled by
unreasonable demands and expectations, it will grow
closer. The more independent you feel, the more you
will value your partner. True love depends on true
freedom. Only those who are free can afford to love
without reservation.
Time spent together should be devoted to motives of
love and sharing those things you both enjoy. This
will eliminate boredom and keep the relationship
alive. Vital, in this regard, is the development of a
romantic personality. Without romance, a person’s
life lacks magnetism, so it is important for you to
cultivate it. A romantic personality will increase
your magnetism and enable you to attract the people,
events and circumstances you desire. We all need
romance in our lives and are grateful to those who
stimulate and encourage it.
Everyone wants to be loved. Every stranger you meet
is crying out inside, “Please love me.” Sometimes
this is difficult to justify in the light of our
actions; sometimes the individuals themselves don’t
recognize this as the inner hunger they feel.
Most people believe that they are not loved enough.
This is because they cannot recapture the love they
once knew as children. And so, they go through life
trying to regain this perfect emotion by searching
outside of themselves.
Look at your life. You go to the grocery store for
food, to classes for education, to the doctor to get
well, to a contractor to build your house, to the
hair stylist to have your hair done, to the
department store for your clothes. And so it is with
love. You go to others for love. Like a carrot
dangled before a horse, there is love, just out of
reach.

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STOP LOOKING FOR OTHERS TO LOVE YOU!
If you are seeking someone to love you, you will go
through life disappointed. Love begins with loving
yourself first. Unless you first love yourself, you
will not be able to find it in another. Only when you
generate love and radiate it forth until it embraces
everything and everyone, will love be yours in
return.
But remember, you cannot give your love to another
person. You can only be loving. Being loving means
learning to love your mind, thoughts, body, life and
the God-power within you. Learn to love objects like
trees, flowers, animals, sunshine and everything you
see, touch and taste. Have you ever noticed how some
people always have trouble with their automobiles?
Their vehicles just don’t respond to them. Yet
another person “talks” to his automobile and it
responds trouble-free, trip after trip. It would seem
that
even
inanimate
things
can
sense
love.
Preposterous? It has been scientifically demonstrated
that metal atoms respond differently to different
personalities.
Loving is one of our strongest needs. It has been
discovered by behavioral scientists that it is not
lack of love that causes negative personality
disorders, but lack of loving. One man proved this
while running a ranch home for delinquent boys and
girls. Upon entering the home, the children were
given an animal to feed, care for, and learn to love.
For many of them this was the first form of life they
could love. The success rate in rehabilitating these
children was outstanding, just because he taught them
to love.
DOING UNTO OTHERS
The idea that we cannot possibly love another until
we have first learned to love ourselves may, on the
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surface,
appear
to
be
a
very
self-centered
philosophy. But it isn’t if we realize that we are
connected to every other person on the planet. In the
same way that our heads are joined to our shoulders,
our hands to our arms, our feet to our ankles, each
person is an extension of everyone else. An infection
in one part of the human body means that the entire
body is affected to hurt another person mentally,
physically or emotionally, means that we are hurting
ourselves.
For this reason, we cannot say, “To hell with the
rest of the world, I’m just going to take care of
myself.” Instead, we want to make it our desire to
elevate the consciousness of humankind for, like a
chain, the human race is only as strong as its
weakest link.
SOME IMPORTANT ASPECTS OF LOVE AND THEIR RELATIONSHIP
TO YOUR
INDIVIDUAL PROGRESS
Remain calm and love regardless of the circumstance.
Love is not a placid state but a conquering force. If
someone does something to you that seems unjust or
unfair, learn to forgive that person, for forgiveness
is part of love. Mentally note that the situation has
come into your life as a lesson. The way you meet the
experience
will
determine
whether
or
not
you
understand the meaning of love. If you do, you will
be able to forgive knowing that everything will work
out for the good of all concerned. To pass ‘love
lessons’ victoriously is to reach new dimensions of
success, prosperity, peace and fulfillment.
Learn to love everything that happens to you because
your experiences give you a chance to grow in the
consciousness of love. Say to yourself many times a
day, “I am growing in the consciousness of love.” As
you do, it will enrich your life in marvelous ways.
Many people go through life hating, criticizing and
condemning others for their own lack of love. These
are the negative people. They have a talent for
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putting others down with joking sarcasm and making
them feel so inadequate and useless that they either
hold back, withdraw or just plain give up. Negative
people withhold love, recognition and compliments
because they must always say what is on their minds,
regardless of how destructive it is. They justify
their verbal hostility as “constructive criticism,”
an
“honest
relationship”
or
even
“objective
appraisal.” Their greatest talent lies in the ability
to find and identify the weaknesses in others instead
of their strengths.
A few years ago I conducted a seminar for couples.
One of the projects was for each person to list ten
good things about his or her partner. I offered a
prize
for
the
first
one
finished.
What
was
interesting,
but
not
surprising
about
this
experiment, was that by the time the first one had
finished, some had not even written down one item.
These people were either unwilling or unable to write
one positive or complimentary characteristic about
the person with whom they were sharing their life.
It is common knowledge that, when plants are praised
and spoken to positively, they thrive and grow, but
when they are condemned and rejected, they become
stunted or even die. If you have this effect on your
plants, just think of the effect you have on another
human being!
The Positive Power of Love determines how successful
you will be in life. In order to be successful, you
must be able to get things done. There are three ways
of doing this: to do the task yourself, get someone
to help you, or team up with others and give help.
The first method is the most common, but it is also
the most limiting because you are restricted to the
amount of time and effort you, personally, can
expend. If you read the biographies of great
achievers, you will notice that they generally become
successful by expanding their growth through the
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efforts of others. In other words, they get things
done by either receiving or giving help.
Giving help is one of the little known secrets of
success. You get things done by helping others get
things done. If you are a supervisor, manager or
boss, by assisting those under you to become
successful, you become more successful yourself. If
you are a teacher, success comes in direct proportion
to your success in helping your students to succeed;
it comes by showing them how they can get what they
want, not what you want. Any relationship can grow
and prosper when we learn to assist others.
Love is the means by which we help others to be
successful. It expresses itself in the ability to
make others feel important, alive and capable of
self-improvement. By giving others recognition and
assurance, and pointing out their positive traits, we
can stimulate them to make the best possible use of
their unlimited potential. One of the greatest gifts
we can give to other people is to open their eyes to
their own greatness; to the potential they never
realized existed. This is what “loving thy neighbor”
is all about.
But helping others in not a one-way street. By
offering encouragement and pointing out people’s
strengths, we are helping ourselves as well. Not only
does this satisfy our own need to be loving, but also
each positive action generates an even more positive
response and increases our total self-confidence.
Emmet Fox put it so well when we said, “Sufficient
realization of love will overcome anything. There is
no difficulty that love cannot conquer, no disease it
will not heal, no door it will no open, no guilt it
will not bridge, no wall it will not tear down, no
sin it will not redeem. Love will lift you to the
highest dimension.”
I love everything I do. I love my work. I love
teaching. And I love writing this book for you!
72

Secret # 7
MIND - YOUR OWN BUSINESS
To this day, relatively little is known about the
human mind and its principal tool, the brain. We are
finding out that the more we think we know, the more
there is to learn.
Like electricity, the mind is a usable force, which
has existed and will continue to exist for eternity.
Its powers stagger the imagination. While, every day,
science is learning more and more about its
tremendous potential; we need not wait for a
blueprint to make full use of that with which we are
naturally endowed.
The longer you wait, the more you study and research
elsewhere, and the further away you will get from
whatever it is you are searching for. You need not
look beyond that which is within for the selfconfidence and power to solve all your problems and
make life as you wish it to be.
The Power that created and sustained you did not put
you together so that you would have to read a book,
take a course, or wait for a scientific breakthrough
to experience life to its fullest potential. From the
beginning, the answers have been within you. You have
always possessed the wisdom, intuition and mental
resources to express life fully and perfectly.
Everywhere people are searching, praying, looking,
struggling
and
striving
for
self-confidence,
spiritual development and the material things they
desire, unaware that no one or no thing outside
themselves can help. Their families can’t, their
friends can’t, their bosses can’t, the government
can’t, and even religion can’t. The reason for this
is simple, so simple that it escapes the majority of
humankind. The Master Teacher reminded his followers,
“Lo, do not look here, do not look there, the Kingdom
73

of Heaven is within you”. Over two thousand years
later, most people still haven’t gotten the message
that they are personally endowed with the ability to
choose and the potential power to accomplish anything
they desire.
Education, government and religion have combined to
create a subtle atmosphere of dependency that places
and keeps the individual in a state of mental
bondage. As a result, most people look outside of
themselves
for
help.
They
want
everyone,
God
especially, to do for them what they should be doing
for themselves. They are unaware that all the wisdom,
intuition, perfection, love and ability they need
resides within them and these great powers are
waiting to be released.
YOU, INCORPORATED
For the purpose of our study, we shall break down the
three
primary
phases
of
Mind
into
Conscious,
Subconscious and Superconscious.
Throughout this explanation, you must remember that
you do not have three minds. You have one Mind with
three phases. It’s just like the air. There is not my
air and your air. There is only universally present
air, and we all use a portion of it. So it is with
Mind. Your mind is that portion of the one Universal
Mind, which you are using, and it is broken down into
three phases. The boundaries cannot be clearly
defined so the labels tend to be far more precise
than the phases they represent.
The business of living a creative life and achieving
total self-confidence requires that you get on a
first-name basis with the three phases of your mind
and understand the primary functions of each. I call
this joint venture of all the phases working together
YOU, INCORPORATED.
Everything that is happening to us emotionally,
mentally, physically and spiritually is the unfolding
74

of what is happening in our mind, that tremendous
electrical
power
which
is
able
to
reproduce
accurately all the feelings, thoughts, sensations,
sights, sounds and stimuli from the outside world.
Think about your eyes and how they work in amazing
coordination with your brain to enable you to see.
You do not really see with your eyes. Your eyes send
a message to your brain, and it is the brain that
pictures and projects the vibratory pattern of what
you “see”. The electrical pulsations are forms of
energy that have the power to create in the outer
world anything you accurately picture in the inner
world of your mind. By controlling your mind, you
control your life.
As a result of splitting the atom, scientists
discovered that a tremendous power could be produced
when we are able to tap invisible wavelengths of
energy in the universe.
Mohammad talked about this
power when he said, “Split an atom and in its heart
you will find a sun.” Your mind is really a
tremendous, atom-splitting cyclotron. It is able to
release a stream of dynamic creative energy that will
form whatever you picture and imprint upon its
invisible substance and make it an outer reality. An
idea held in the mind has the ability to attract to
itself all the elements it requires to bring forth
whatever you desire.
While sending rockets into the illimitable void of
time and space, vast electromagnetic forces have been
discovered in the universe. These forces work under
the laws of attraction and repulsion, the same laws
that control the gravity of the earth, sun and stars.
A similar electromagnetic force exists in your mind
with your blood, a principally saline solution, being
the greatest conductor of electricity. Just think
about the Intelligence that devised the amazing
system whereby nerve currents from the brain are
transmitted to all parts of the body instantaneously.
This same Intelligence works through your mind to
produce that which you picture and hold there.
75

Electricity is magnetic. The world is full of
electricity. So is your body. You must build a
constant Awareness of this fact and learn to generate
your magnetism to attract, not repel the things you
desire in life.
THE LAW OF MENTAL MAGENTISM
The law of Mental Magnetism states that you will draw
to yourself that which you most persistently think
about. And, here we must remind ourselves of
something we said earlier: no person is what he
thinks he is, but what he thinks, he is!
The Law of Mental Magnetism is similar to nature’s
law of magnetism. Let me give you an example. If you
were to take an iron magnet, it would draw any iron
substance to it.
But it would attract only iron and reject all other
materials. LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE. Why is a magnet a
magnet? Simply because all the molecules are pointed
in the same direction. Their pulling power is fused
together. Ordinary metal molecules are pushing and
pulling against each other.
Implicit in this
phenomenon is the value of unity of purpose.
Whatever you give dominant thought to, whether it be
sickness or health, success or failure, abundance or
lack, love or hate, the object of your attention will
be attracted to you. Your brain cells are sending out
magnetic thought waves that can travel to infinity.
Each cell is a want cell and it combines with others
to attract the sum total of your wants, whether they
are negative or positive.
The important thing is to know exactly what you want.
If you don’t, you will attract only confusion. You
may say, “I don’t want sickness, yet I am sick.” But
what are you most persistently thinking about? What
are you giving your dominant attention to? Sickness!

76

Ernest Holmes, a noted teacher and metaphysician was
approached by a friend suffering from a severe
illness. He asked Holmes to treat his illness.
Ernest’s response was, “Your illness seems to be
doing all right for itself. Let’s treat you for your
health!” Remember, LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE. Whatever you
focus on, you create more of!
People who are not clear on what they really want
consistently attract things that seem inconsistent
with their wishes. Everybody, on the surface, wishes
for such things as success, friendship, love,
happiness, safety and security, but because they
focus on what they don’t want, they do not attract
the things that they want. One out of ten thousand
really understand this amazing fact.
If you ask people to list their most important wants,
you will notice something strikingly similar about
their lists.
The items have one thing in common:
they are all positive. This is because we only admit
to others and ourselves those things of a positive
nature. No one ever says that he wants to fail, be
sick, poor, unhappy, or insecure. Everyone claims
just the opposite. But here is an amazing fact: like
the magnet with its opposite attracting and repelling
poles, for every POSITIVE WANT, we have a NEGATIVE
want which we will not admit and which, often, we are
not even aware exists. Thus it is imperative to know
exactly what we desire for the Law of Mental
Magnetism always attracts our true wants. It does not
attract our wishes, whims or passing fancies.
Most people say they want success, but the truth is
that they really don’t want it at all. They don’t
want to do the things that will bring them success.
For example, people aren’t successful because they
have money. They have money because they are
successful. Most of us want the results of success,
but not the responsibility that goes along with it.
With all the knowledge, education and training
available today, it's harder to fail than succeed.
77

But success scares most people and so they fail
because, subconsciously, they are afraid of success.
There are those who say they want friendship or love
yet criticism, hate, jealousy, envy and revenge
dominate their attention. There are those who say
they want popularity and recognition but, at the same
time, make their desire for privacy obvious. There
are those who say they want happiness, yet go about
being depressed, angry, rejected, resentful and selfpitying. And the list goes on and on. The simple fact
is that you will give your dominant attention to what
you really want, and what you give your dominant
attention to will be yours through the Law of Mental
Magnetism.
The Law of Mental Magnetism also applies to the
radiation of your thoughts. If you throw a pebble
into a pond, you will see ripples going out in
circles. These circles ultimately reach the shore. If
you were to take two stones of different sizes and
weights and toss them both in at the same time a few
feet apart, their ripples would eventually converge.
In the ensuing struggle for supremacy, the larger
ripples from the larger stone would overcome the
smaller ripples from the smaller stone. So it is with
your thoughts.
The larger the thought, the bigger
your thinking, the more easily it will vanquish
smaller thoughts. Positive thoughts set up waves,
which are bigger, more energetic and have stronger
vibrations. These more powerful vibrations reach
their objective because, like the big stone in the
water, they create higher and stronger waves.
Science can now measure thought waves. In tests,
subjects are able to think about a certain object and
project the thought wave until it is picked up and
measured by a photographic apparatus. If the subject,
for example, were to concentrate on an object such as
a triangle, the apparatus would produce a perfect
picture of the triangle.

78

Other successful experiments involve photographs
taken of ordinary drinking water while it is being
prayed over and blessed. Preliminary photographs of
the water showed very thin vibrations, but as the
same
water
was
being
blessed,
it
registered
significantly increased radiation indicating that the
power of positive thought can be transferred to an
object.
Every time you send out a negative thought, just like
turning
off
the
electric
light
switch,
you
automatically lower the magnetism in your body and
mind.
Thoughts
of
sickness,
poverty,
hate,
resentment, lack and limitation disconnect you from
your creative power to magnetize and attract. The
more this happens, the more you run down your mental
power source until, like an automobile battery that
has been drained, it finally dies. Fortunately, you
can recharge your battery and become an increasingly
magnetic individual by using positive thoughts and
words.
Remember, positive energy creates; negative
energy destroys.
It is time, then, that we begin to learn how our mind
operates and how we can use the correct thinking
process to magnetize and attract the good things we
want in our life experience. In this chapter, we
shall become familiar with the first of the three
phases of mind power: the SUPERCONSCIOUS.
THE SUPERCONSCIOUS PHASE
OF MIND POWER
Philosophers, psychologists and mystics throughout
the
ages
have
called
the
Creative
Mind
or
Intelligence
various
things.
An
ancient
and
interesting example of its use involves Moses who
heard a voice speak to him from a flaming bush. When
he willingly responded, he was shown how to lead the
Lost Tribes out of the desert to freedom. Asked who
had directed him, he replied, “I AM has sent me.”
Undoubtedly, he was referring to the Creative
Intelligence in every human being.
79

The experience of Moses demonstrates that, within
each one of us, is a power center that knows the
perfect way for us, a realm of Absolute Ideas that
cannot be wrong. This Source, which we can contact at
will, always gives us the information we need to lead
us out of barren places into more productive fields.
William James called this Transcendental Power the
Superconscious Mind. Emerson referred to it as the
Universal Mind. Whatever you call it, just believe
that it does exist and, because it always knows the
perfect way for you, that you can tap its unlimited
potential to receive the creative ideas you need to
solve your problems and create the life you desire.
GREAT PEOPLE HAVE USED THIS POWER
You can build total self-confidence by releasing your
unlimited potential through the power of your mind.
Just as an artist forms a picture in his mind first,
the law of magnetic attraction can bring you that
which you picture in detail. Clara Barton used this
power. She pictured helping people in distress and,
from this, emerged the Red Cross. Joan of Arc heard
voices guiding her as the Creative Mind led her to
victory.
The Bible speaks
all.
The Master
he said, “It is
does the works.”
for the Universal

of this power within which knows
Teacher referred to it simply when
not I, but the Father within that
The “Father within” is a metaphor
Mind or Creative Intelligence.

Most people believe that there is a Higher Power that
controls and brings order to the universe. The
conception
of
this
Higher
Power
differs
from
individual to individual and from group to group, but
most will agree that it does exist.
If you have
gotten that far, and then you must ultimately arrive
at the conclusion that there is some way in which
this Power can communicate with us and we can
communicate with it, just as all great teachers and
thinkers have done.
We make contact through the
Superconscious phase of Mind.
80

We can do this when we quiet our conscious mind. It
is vitally important that we regularly take time from
our busy schedules to become still, quiet the
conscious mind and allow the Superconscious to speak
and guide us. It does not speak to us in English,
French, Italian or any other language; it speaks to
us through intuition, which manifests itself as a
feeling or desire. When we receive intuitive feelings
from the Superconscious, we are guided to the people,
places or circumstance we need to fulfill our
creative purpose.
We can readily see this intuitive power expressing
itself in the animal kingdom. Watch a bird build a
nest. No one has taught it how to build one. It
relies solely on intuitive guidance that shows it how
to construct the nest perfectly. In the animal
kingdom, we call this instinct; in humans, it is
called
intuition.
This
same
guided
intuition
channeled through our minds will show us how to
construct our lives perfectly once we become open and
receptive to it.
Remember that the Superconscious phase of mind is the
realm of absolute ideas. It knows the perfect way so
it can never be wrong. When we learn to trust it, we
will make fewer mistakes because we will be guided by
Infinite Wisdom. This is the Source of wisdom that
has guided all the great minds.
CREATIVE POWER CHANNELED
THROUGH DESIRE
Creative Intelligence channels its Creative Power
through desire. Our entire world was built on the
magnetic thoughts of those who had a desire to
create, move forward, and lead humankind. Desire is
the seed of fulfillment.
Creative
Intelligence
speaks
to
you
through
intuition. This Intuition manifests itself as a
desire to do something creative. Desire works its
81

magic through the power of the sympathetic nervous
system. When you want something strongly enough, the
desire becomes imprinted upon your subconscious mind.
The emotion is then transmitted to the nerves and
muscles of your body and you are impelled to achieve
it.
The most important thing to remember about desire is
that if you have the desire to do anything creative,
you also have within you the means of fulfillment.
Creative Intelligence would not have given you the
desire if that potential were not possible for you.
In other words, whatever desire you have, no matter
how far-fetched it may seem, carries with it the
ability and mechanics to make it become reality.
Every
person
who
has
accomplished
something
worthwhile started out with a desire. To most of
these people the realization of this desire seemed
remote, but faith in themselves and in the Creative
Power, enabled them to develop the talents, skills
and abilities to make it come true.
What we are saying here is that whatever you desire
right now can become a reality. If you desire wealth,
you will be led to the circumstance that will make
you a fortune. If you desire friends, you will be led
to the right people. If you desire a new job, you
will be guided to the right employment. But this must
be done through your Creative Imagination.

Secret #8
THE GOLDEN KEY
OF
CREATIVE IMAGATION
All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players…
Shakespeare
In the theater, a ‘dream’ is created which, if
conforming to the Aristotelian concept of a dream,
the audience accepts as ‘reality’. The limitations we
82

have set upon ourselves are just as unreal as what is
happening on stage, for we have chosen to embrace
that which is fictitious. But while we must accept
the reality of the moment, we are not bound in it
forever. We can change the future through the use of
our imaginations.
The personal limitations we have accepted can be
broken any time we wish. By persistently imagining
what we really want, we can discard the old script
and introduce a completely new story. In other words,
we can free ourselves of the limitations that are
holding us back.
IMAGINATION CONTROLS THE WORLD
“More important than knowledge is imagination.” This
statement was made by one of the world’s greatest
scientists
and
mathematical
geniuses,
Albert
Einstein.
The power of imagination is one of the greatest
forces in the universe. Human progress has developed
in direct proportion to the collective imagination.
In my travels, I never cease to be amazed at the
enormous network of airlines. What great imagination
it has taken to put them together. Each phase, from
man’s first flight to the multi-dimensional concept
of mass air travel, had to be an idea in someone’s
imagination before it could become reality. Like all
visionaries, those who dared to conceive of the idea
of multi-dimensional travel had to break through the
limited thinking of those who declared their ideas
impossible.
Leonardo daVinci wrote these prophetic words on his
sketch of the first flying machine: “Man shall grow
wings.” His machine did fly a few feet, but Church
leaders of the day, labeling it an instrument of the
devil, forced him to destroy it. Time proved daVinci
right. Now men and women truly do have wings!

83

The most dynamic aspect of imagination is the act of
forming mental images of what does not yet exist in
the physical world. Another power is creating new
ideas and combinations of ideas stimulated by and
based upon previous experience. Creative imagination
takes us a step further than just forming mental
images. It causes things to come into existence. When
we are creatively imagining something, we are
actually causing it to come into being because it has
been formed, for the first time, in our minds. Our
images contain creative power. They are changed
through the power of Creative Intelligence.
The actual means by which things come into being in
the outer world is a mystery. Yet we know that if we
plant a kernel of corn in the earth, it will produce
a stalk with several ears of corn on it. We do not
know nature’s secret for drawing the substance from
the soil to make this new creation. The image or
picture of the stalk of corn is locked within the
kernel.
An idea is the seed you plant when you want a certain
crop.
It will produce whatever you plant: corn,
wheat,
tomatoes,
weeds,
thistles
or
poisonous
nightshade. Everything depends upon the nature of the
seed. Whatever idea you hold in your imagination,
whether it is negative or positive, constructive or
destructive, it will bring forth its own kind. Like
attracts like or, to quote the philosophers, “As
above, so below.”
Creative imagination is a powerful force. The
industry of the entire southern United States was
changed by one man’s creative imagination. One
evening as he sat in his home, he watched his cat
trying to pull his canary through the bars of its
cage. As the bars protected the canary, the cat only
succeeded in getting a paw full of feathers. This
caused the man of visualize an iron claw pulling
cotton from a cotton plant. And so it was that Eli
Whitney invented an amazing machine: the cotton gin.
84

Creative imagination can be used to overcome world
problems. We must never think of any situation as
hopeless or unsolvable. The belief that we are on the
path to self-destruction is simply not true. There
have been prophets of doom and gloom since the
beginning of recorded history, but they have been
wrong every time. When things looked the bleakest,
along came individuals with creative imaginations who
led us to even greater achievements.
All problems are really opportunities in disguise.
The Chinese realized this. Their symbol for crisis is
made up of two other symbols: one for problem, and
one for opportunity. Bearing this in mind, we should
carefully examine every so-called crisis in our lives
for the hidden opportunity in it.
THE CONSCIOUS PHASE OF MIND POWER
The conscious phase of mind power is the most
limiting because its information comes through the
five senses: hearing, tasting, smelling, feeling and
seeing. Since our senses can deceive, we often accept
false concepts, values and beliefs that have come
through our conscious phase of mind.
The conscious mind is objective. It observes, is
rational, and is where our will power resides. The
conscious mind may be likened to a guard at the door,
protecting the access route to the subconscious mind.
The conscious mind screens all incoming data and
allows the subconscious to accept only that which it
perceives as the “truth”, even if the what is
perceives is not the “truth” but a mistaken
certainty.
What we see with our conscious mind often deceives
us. When we look at the horizon, the sky and earth
seem to meet; a rainbow seems to disappear into the
ground and railroad tracks seem to come together in
the distance. These distortions are the result of
false images and messages from our conscious minds.
Sickness, poverty, worry, despair and hopelessness
are also faulty images we have accepted from our
85

conscious mind and
subconscious minds.

chosen

to

program

into

our

To free ourselves from the limitations of our
conscious minds, we must turn within for the source
of Truth. Truth can only come from within. To
continue to look for it externally is to continue to
experience those conditions that have been holding us
back. For this reason, we must listen to the
intuition from the Superconscious Mind, take that
information into our conscious minds and deliberately
program it in our subconscious minds to create the
positive experience we desire. To do this, we need to
take a look at the Genie within.
WAKING UP YOUR GENIE
In the story of “Aladdin’s Lamp,” we are told of a
genie who carried out any wish Aladdin had. All
Aladdin had to do was rub his lamp and the genie
would appear. You have a far more powerful genie
within you right now, ready to carry out your every
command. But, if you have not been aware of this, he
may have been sleeping for many years. The time has
come to wake him up!
Throughout the centuries, successful people have
either intuitively or knowingly become aware that
they too, possessed a power that would serve them
just as the genie served Aladdin. They called on this
power to help them create great works or art,
compose, invent, write, build businesses, etc.
Biblical scribes knew about this power when they
wrote, “as you think in your heart, so are you.”
Using the “heart” as a synonym for subconscious, what
they were really saying was, “As you think in your
subconscious, so are you.”
Although superbly talented and possessing unlimited
ability, your subconscious is a servant and, as a
servant, must be COMMANDED. It can’t command itself.
In fact, it is an automatic impersonal mechanism that
will faithfully bring about whatever you most
86

persistently impress upon it.
It is a valued,
competent, trustworthy partner that will supply you
with all the necessary information you need to create
the life you desire.
We said earlier that your subconscious responds
according to the beliefs and convictions you hold in
your conscious phase of mind. Your conscious mind
chooses what it believes to be true, and your
subconscious mind accepts without question whatever
the conscious mind dictates. It is important to
remember that your subconscious will accept failure
as readily as success, and will provide the means to
bring about either one.
At this very moment, your subconscious is working for
or against you. Through your conscious mind, it
senses and records all your physical, intellectual,
mental and emotional experiences and stores the
information for further use. The sum total of these
experiences
determines
your
present
level
of
Awareness.
THE CORRECT THINKING PROCESS
As we have said, our conscious minds are greatly
influenced by our five senses, so it is easy to see
why we get confused when we use the conscious mind
alone to bring about the right answers to our
problems. The five senses do not report the truth to
us most of the time, so we accept, reject and relate
everything based on what may be a mistaken certainty.
To look at a situation and evaluate the information
based on the conscious mind alone is to look at the
effect instead of the cause. This makes us valuejudge both others and ourselves and evaluate what we
see, hear and feel as if it were, indeed, the Truth.
The lives of so many people are plagued with one
problem after another because they take actions and
make decisions based on what they perceive from their
conscious mind.
87

What we need to do is to train ourselves to look
within and ask our Superconscious Mind for inner
guidance. As long as we rely on the conscious mind
alone, we shall continue to make mistakes and become
disappointed and frustrated.
The correct thinking process goes like this:
1. Go to the Superconscious Mind for inner guidance.
Remember it cannot be “wrong” because it comes
from Higher Intelligence.
2. Use the conscious mind to program this information
into the subconscious.
3. Command the
information.

subconscious

to

carry

out

this

FACTS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND
1. Your subconscious is only stable and effective in
direct proportion to the quality and clarity of
the information supplied to it.
2. Anything you picture vividly with repetition and
emotion in your subconscious mind will be brought
forth by and become a reality for you.
3. Your subconscious will draw to you what it clearly
understands to be your desire.
4. Your subconscious doesn’t reason why, but records
with high fidelity anything and everything your
conscious mind presents to it.
5. Your
subconscious
will
circumstances, people and
your desire.

draw
to
you
the
conditions to fulfill

6. It
will
not fulfill
your goals
or
desire
automatically.
You must ask it and tell it
exactly what you want.

88

7. When you ask it, it will alert your conscious mind
to recognize the right opportunities, people and
circumstance needed to fulfill your desire.
HOW TO PROGRAM YOUR GENIE
Your subconscious responds to three things:
1. VERBALIZING:
There is a tremendous power in words. Words can build
or destroy your life. They made you what you are
right now. Self-talk is verbalized thinking, so the
way you talk to yourself has a profound effect upon
your feelings, actions and accomplishments. What you
say to yourself determines practically everything you
do. Words can even change blood pressure, heartbeat
and breathing.
The subconscious accepts, without question, the words
we use to program it, whether they are positive or
negative. Positive statements or affirmations build
our life while negative statements or affirmations
destroy it. Take a moment right now to think about
this. Do you use any of these negative affirmations?
I don’t like my job.
I worry a lot.
I’ll never have any money.
I can’t quit smoking.
I just can’t get along with that person.
I don’t have as much get-up-and-go as I used
to.
I don’t have enough time to do what I want.
I don’t have any patience.
That’s the way I am.
I don’t have any special talents.
I need a rest.
I’m not perfect.
I can’t loose weight no matter what I do.
I’ve got too much to do.
I have trouble meeting new people.
I have a poor memory.
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I always get a cold.
I don’t feel very good.
I can’t remember people’s names.
Of course, the list could go on and on, but it is
long enough to show you how we program ourselves –
sometimes without realizing it. The subconscious is
then required to carry out these negative commands
and so we experience sickness, poverty, limitation
and failure.
What you must do is to monitor your self-talk and
turn such self-defeating statements around. The way
to do this is to program your mind with positive
affirmations. Repeat them over and over again until
your subconscious accepts them as reality.
When you keep saying that you are sick, your
subconscious is required to make you sick if you
affirm health, it is required to make you healthy.
Never rehearse a contrary situation by saying to
yourself that you feel great, then, the next minute
when someone asks how you are, and you tell them that
you feel “terrible” just to get their sympathy.
Switching
back
and
forth
only
confuses
the
subconscious. If you do this, you will find that you
will not be able to make the positive changes you
desire.
2. FEELING AND EMOTION
Emotion is the carrier of creativity. No creative act
is performed without it. The subconscious responds to
feeling and emotion more than anything else does.
Repetition, by itself, is not as effective without
emotion. It is important to understand that negative
emotions such as fear, anxiety, frustration, jealousy
or hate, will work with just as much force as their
positive counterparts. This is why they are so
destructive.
Speaking aloud or listening to music while using
repetition to impress an idea in your subconscious
90

will increase the intensity of the vibrations and
help you impress the information more quickly.
Psychological studies have shown that subconscious
impression can be done up to eighty-five percent
faster through the use of music or voice recordings.

3. VISUALIZATION
Imagination or visualization is the picturing power
of your mind. Your subconscious responds to pictures
and images held on your mental screen. It may be said
that your subconscious is the contractor, which will
build your life. You are the architect, and your
imagination is the blueprint.
You are constantly running a mental movie with
yourself as star of the show. These images determine
your behavior and the kind of life you lead. You have
the power to mentally create a new life for yourself.
Whatever you can visualize, you can have. If you can
see your desire ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED, it will become
a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you are thinking
about and picturing in your mind today, is a clear
indication of what you will be experiencing in the
future.
Since this is true, why not visualize yourself
having, doing or being the things you want. Feel
yourself enjoying them. See the details – colors,
places and people – as vividly as you can. Hold the
pictures clearly in your mind. Most important – you
must put yourself in the picture.
Get yourself a scrapbook and call it “My Blueprint of
Destiny.” In it, put colored pictures of the things
you want, the places you want to go or the things you
want to do. Look at the pictures every day and let
them sink deeply into your subconscious. Soon, you
will master the technique of visualization and, in
the process, your desire will become reality.

91

THE SUBCONSCIOUS – A CREATIVE AUTOMATIC MECHANISM
You can train your subconscious to perform any act
you consciously choose. When a great pianist plays
with ease, you can be sure that he has spent yearsbuilding
habit
patterns
of
perfection
in
his
subconscious. His subconscious mind stores these
memories and releases them under automatic control so
that he does not have to consciously think which key
to depress each time he wants to play a different
note.
Your subconscious is an automatic creative mechanism
that can solve your problems and change your life
much faster than your conscious mind alone. Further,
it is never limited because it can be trained and
retrained. Just as long as you keep on picturing what
you want, like a submarine torpedo programmed to seek
out an objective, it will forget mistakes, change
course, correct itself and bring you right on target,
all automatically!
YOU ALREADY HAVE IT
The key to releasing your subconscious power is to
get the feeling that it’s working. You must,
therefore, picture the END RESULT. Feel that you can
get what you want. Feel that it is ALREADY YOURS.
Feel the enjoyment...the excitement NOW.
As you picture what you want, your limited conscious
mind may try to conspire against you through your
intellect. It may tell you that what you desire
cannot be achieved that it is impossible. Do not
accept this as the truth. Remember, the information
from your conscious mind is limited to your five
senses. Instead, trust your subconscious inner
guidance system.
If you want a new automobile, go to a dealer and get
some brochures. Look at the pictures often. Visit the
showroom frequently and look at your car. Visualize
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and imagine yourself driving the car. Take a test
drive. START BEHAVING AS IF YOU ALREADY OWNED IT. Act
as though you had just been told it had been shipped
and would be delivered soon.
Even buy something to
go with it!
Give thanks in advance for whatever you are seeking
to bring forth. This may seem strange if you do not
understand the principle. But, by giving thanks in
advance, you are acknowledging that what you want is
on its way to you. Once you accept this, conditions
will commence to change because you will be reaching
for a higher dimension of consciousness than that in
which you have been operating. You will be in a state
of magnetic attraction.

Secret #9
CHOOSING YOUR DESTINATION
A successful and happy life requires that we devote
ourselves to fulfilling a worthy life plan. If we do
not consciously give our life purpose and direction,
we will be like a ship without a captain to steer it
or a chart to direct its course. This kind of vessel
is destined to end up shipwrecked on some desert
island, or worse yet, sink to the bottom of the sea.
In life, so many opportunities needlessly pass us by
because we do not know where we are going. If we look
carefully
we
will
observe
that
there
is
an
intelligent Force in the universe that is unfolding a
Master Plan for creation. You and I are part of that
plan. If we look at the stars, animal life, plant
life and the sea, it is easy for us to see that they
are all components of a very orderly universe.
Everything has a place and a reason for being.
Projecting the macrocosm to the microcosm it becomes
obvious that you have a place where you and you alone
fit in an orderly and desirable way.

93

It may well be that your problems exist primarily
because you are not in your right place. There are
things you should be doing that you are neglecting or
avoiding. You don’t fully appreciate the fact that
you are a unique individual with a special place to
occupy and a purpose to fulfill.
Your contribution
to life may not seem great but, as part of the
Supreme Architect’s plan, you are none-the-less, just
as important as the most prestigious person you know
of.
Everything worthwhile that has happened throughout
the ages is part of the unfolding Master Plan. All
the world’s great achievements, in every field or
endeavor, have been made possible because individuals
have
listened
to
their
Inner
Guidance,
which
manifested a strong desire and inspired them to set
out to achieve it. To others, these desires may have
seemed impossible. But those who create have both
purpose and direction. They realize that they are not
merely corks floating aimlessly on an ocean, but
individuals in full control of their destinies.
Psychological studies in personal performance show
that individuals who have a plan and goals for their
lives are happier and more successful than those who
do not.
At this stage of your development, it is important
for you to make a plan for your life, one which will
utilize all your talents and abilities. You must take
the time right now to figure out what you want to do
and how far you want to go. Otherwise, like a ship
without a captain, you life will end up shipwrecked.
Look at each area of your life and design a plan as
to where you want to go, what you want to do, and
most importantly, how you want to BE! If you do this
you will know if you are making progress. How can you
possibly know if you are succeeding or making
progress if you don’t establish a goal or a
destination? Once you begin doing this, you will
discover the pleasure, satisfaction and value of
94

making detailed plans for
accomplish.

the things you

want

to

One of the basic secrets in achieving our objectives
is to break our big goals into a number of smaller
ones. Nothing is really difficult if it is broken
down into parts. As each part – each short-range goal
– becomes a reality, the satisfaction derived from
its attainment is a spur to the next milepost.
Failing to understand this principle, many people
resist establishing large goals because the total
effort involved in achieving them seems overwhelming.
A single glass of water can form a dense fog. If you
break down the water into sixty thousand million
drops, it can cover an entire city block, and extend
to a height of one hundred feet. The same is true of
your efforts. If applied each day, in the end, they
will make equally as great an impression.
In the game of goal setting a one hundred percent
success rate is not a requirement. Even if you don’t
achieve everything you set out to do, you will still
be further ahead than if you just did nothing, as is
the case with so many people. It is a fact that goals
whether they are realized or not, constructively
change people’s lives. They direct our mental
energies into positive channels. All it takes is to
know what you want to have what you want to achieve
and how you want to BE.

WHAT WILL YOU HAVE?
You can have anything in life, if you will be
definite about what you want. Most of the time, we
are far too vague in identifying precisely what we
want. Thus, many of our goals die in the realm of
wishful thinking. People often say to me, “I don’t
know what I really want.” This is just excuse for not
getting started. To never make a decision is never to
95

make a mistake! Their fear of rejection or failure
and their need for approval, hold them prisoners.
Not to decide is to decide, for choice is inevitable.
Not to choose success is equivalent to choosing
failure. The problem with indecision is that it
creates frustration. We know we should be doing
something
creative
but,
instead,
settle
for
indecision and feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy.
You will feel a tremendous surge of self-confidence
and power if you take the time to choose a worthy
goal, and make a plan for your life.
After selecting your goal, evaluate it before
presenting the plan to your subconscious. Use the
screening process below and ask yourself:
1. Do I really want this for myself, or is it
something I think I “should” or “ought to”
do?
2. Is it right according to my value system?
3. Do I believe it is possible for me?
4. Will I be a better person when I accomplish
it?
5. Can I visualize it in all respects?
6. Do I have complete faith that the Creative
Intelligence within me will assist me in
bringing for my desire?
If you answer ‘yes’ to all of these questions, than
your next step is to make plans. To do this you must:
1. Have a clear statement of your goal. Your
subconscious responds when you are specific.
2. Have an exact date to begin your program.
96

3. Have an exact date you want to achieve your
goal.
4. Have a written plan of action.
5. Have a schedule to periodically review your
plans for changes and updating.
6. Carry a brief statement
on a small card in your
at it often each day.
picture of your goal on

of your goal written
pocket or purse. Look
If possible, have a
it as well.

7. Concentrate
on
one
challenge at a time.

specific

desire

or

8. Make up a positive affirmation or statement
about your goal.
9. Always go to sleep picturing your goal.
GET THE WRITING HABIT
Most people do not bother to write down an exact
description of what they want. At one time, in my
seminar work, I distributed worksheets to help people
do this, yet less than five percent ever actually
used them. Most intellectually agreed that the idea
was a good one, but felt the details involved were
too much bother. They said it was not necessary
because they could remember what they wanted.
This attitude is one of the major reasons why only
five percent of the people on this planet achieve
their goals. They are the ones who are willing write
down their goals so that they can track their
results.
People say, “I don’t need to write it down. I can
remember it.” But can they? Can you? Let me give you
an example. How much do you remember of what you read
on the first two pages of the previous chapter? Don’t
worry about it! You can always go back and look at
it. After all, it is WRITTEN DOWN in black and white.
97

But why do all this? It is a psychologically sound
principle that vision accounts for approximately
eighty-seven
percent
of
your
total
sensory
perception. Further, the kinetic energy from the act
of writing down your plan impresses your subconscious deeper than if you just thought about it.
Remember when you misbehaved in school and the
teacher made you write something a hundred times? The
teacher knew that you would tend to remember what you
wrote down. The subconscious mind catches up with
written instructions, incorporating the information
in the automatic
structure of the brain and central nervous system,
already making it a reality.
You will find the following worksheet helpful
mapping out your CREATIVE PLAN OF ACTION.

in

DIRECT ACTION WORKSHEET
(1) This is my Goal - Write a brief
description. Attach a sketch, or picture
if possible
(2) Why do
benefit?

I

want

this?

How

will

I

(3) What actions can I take to reach my
goal?
(4) Where can I get competent assistance
and guidance?
(5) Date I will begin my plan.
(6) Date of intended completion
(7) I will revise
following dates:

and

review

on

the

(8) What should I do first?
98

(9) Check when started or finished:
Start
Finished
Start
Finished
Start
Finished
(10) I must keep the following positive
mental attitude during this period. Make
a positive statement concerning how you
feel you must act while you are working
on your goals.

SET GOALS IN THE SIX MAJOR AREAS
OF YOUR LIFE
You need to make plans for each of the six major
areas of interest in your life. Start by using the
following:
CAREER:

What do I want to accomplish
as far as my work is concerned?

FINANCIAL:

Realistically, how much money
do I want to consistently earn?

PHYSICALLY:

What program for health and
fitness do I want to develop?

MENTALLY:

In what areas of my life do I
want to study and obtain more
knowledge?

FAMILY:

What relationships do I want
to have and maintain with my
family and mate.
99

SPIRITUALLY:

What do I want spiritually?

These goals can be broken down into long-term and
short-term goals. Make a list of your ultimate, longrange goals, and, also the short-term goals you are
going to act on right now.
GIVE YOURSELF A FIVE-YEAR
PLAN FOR GROWTH
In
addition
to
completing
the
Direct
Action
Worksheet, take a blank piece of paper and write down
a five-year plan for growth. Call this: My Blueprint
of Destiny.
On your Blueprint, set down a plan, which will
involve new mental and spiritual viewpoints, new
environment, new work, new friends, higher income and
a better standard of living. Make this an outline of
the best life you can possibly imagine for yourself.
Begin to look for related opportunities that will
help you to reach your goals and check your plan
frequently to see that you are on the right path.
Keep revising your Blueprint for the rest of your
life.
Consider it an unfinished symphony; one of
which you are constantly working on but determined to
complete. You will be richly rewarded.
START WHERE YOU ARE
One of the greatest discoveries you will ever make is
to learn to live in the present moment. NOW is the
only time there is; yet we insist on wasting it by
mentally living in a past we cannot change, or in a
future which we long for or dread. In establishing
your goals, you must be careful not to get caught in
this trap. All consideration of yesterday must be
expunged from your memory. And the future, which is
not yet a reality, must not be ransomed. It must be
free to use when it becomes the present.
100

Many people live in the future and neglect what
should be done today. While planning for the future
is vitally necessary, living in it only produces
frustration, anxiety and failure because, by doing
so, one is escaping from the present reality.
To live a balanced and creative life, you must get
into the habit of doing those things that are before
you today. Strive for excellence. If you learn to
perform your present task well, no matter how
unpleasant it may be, you will have taught yourself a
valuable lesson in personal growth. Although people
often delude themselves into thinking that they can
do a better job at something else, there is a
universal principal which states that you will not be
offered greater opportunities in life until you have
proven that you are more than capable in handing your
present life situation.
Failure to perform your present actions efficiently
and successfully will delay success and may actually
set in motion a situation that will cause you to go
backwards. Do not try to escape from the present for
a better future that does not yet exist. What you
have to do right now is the most important thing you
have to do.
NOT HOW MUCH BUT HOW WELL
There is creative process that the universe is
unfolding
through
us
that
far
exceeds
our
outstanding. By learning to grasp the opportunities
that are before us each day and handling them to the
best of our ability, we are contributing and
cooperating with the creative process. All that is
required is that we do the best we can each day. It
is not a matter of how much we do, but how well we
perform each action. In other words, it is the
quality of our actions that really matter.
GETTING YOUR PERSPECTIVE

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The attainment of goals, as important they are, must
not be permitted to overshadow or obscure their real
objective: to give our life purpose and direction.
That is why we must be careful not to let them lock
us into the future and keep us from living in the
now.
After you have chosen your goals and set up a program
of action, you must learn to relax and allow your new
Awareness to carry you forward, patiently doing what
is necessary, first things first, with no fear or
concern about what is going to happen in the future.
As the spiritually oriented say, “Let go and let
God.” By so doing, you will be aligning yourself with
reality and keeping yourself open to the Inner
Guidance from within which will show you each step of
the way.
Inner Guidance is always available. Seek it out and
use it.
If you don’t, your Awareness may not yet
have the wisdom to chart a course which is in full
alignment with the Creative Plan for your life and
you will continue to be disenchanted and disappointed
when things do not work out.
When you make plans and set goals, ask for the wisdom
to carry them out. Present the ideas you have
consciously thought out and ask your Superconscious
mind to guide you in selecting the right one. You
will soon get a feeling about what you should do.
Trust your intuition. Remember – intuition cannot be
wrong because it comes from Higher Intelligence. Once
you receive intuition - act at once. Also leave
yourself open for changes and new instruction along
the way. The first move, however, must be yours. You
will not be guided unless you demonstrate you want
guidance.
When seeking inner guidance in creating what you
want, it is best not to ask for the specific thing
you desire. Instead of asking for a new car, money or
a new home, ask for the wisdom necessary to create
these things in your life. If your ambition is to be
102

an artist, actress, business executive, or anything
else, ask for the wisdom to guide you in achieving
it. Wisdom will allow you to create anything you
desire.
You can pray your heart out, but even Creative
Intelligence cannot violate its own law of creation.
By gaining wisdom, will you know how to cooperate
with the law to bring forth your desires?
Go forward a step at a time and remain flexible to
change.
You may not reach your original goal but,
instead, may be guided to something better. In either
case, you will experience a feeling of excitement and
personal fulfillment.
Instead of pushing yourself
into a situation that will only cause you frustration
and misery, your intuition will guide you to your
right person, place or circumstance where you can be
supremely happy.
Life can be compared to a train ride. If we want to
go somewhere all we have to do is to get on the train
and stay there until we arrive at our destination.
The train may stop or change tracks but, if we stay
with it, we will eventually reach our destination. If
we keep getting on and off, we may never get there.
To reach your destination, you
things:

need

1. Decide to get on the train.
GOAL.

do only

four

CHOOSE YOUR

2. Choose the best possible route to get where
you are going. THE RIGHT PLAN.
3. Pay for your ticket. BE WILLING TO PAY THE
PRICE FOR WHAT YOU WANT.
4. Get on the train. GET INTO ACTION.
Your train is waiting right now.
aboard!

It’s time to get
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YOU ARE WHERE YOU WANT TO BE
Like it or not, at this moment you are exactly where
you want to be. Perhaps you are unhappy. You may have
a job you hate, a marriage that is deteriorating, a
love relationship that seems to be going down hill,
or a family relationship that is unsatisfactory. Your
future may look doubtful but you and you alone, have
chosen, consciously or unconsciously, to allow
yourself to be right where you are. The evidence
indicates that YOU WOULD RATHER BE IN YOUR PRESENT
SITUATION THAN PAY THE PRICE TO CHANGE.
Your spontaneous rebuttal may include such excuses
as,
“You
don’t
understand.”
“My
situation
is
different.” I’m trapped where I am.” “I want to
straighten my life out, but I can’t because….” You
may be quite sincere in these contentions, but the
fact remains, you have permitted your present
environment to limit your thinking. By choosing to
let a person, circumstance or condition dictate your
happiness, you have given something outside yourself
the power to control your life. In effect, you have
declared that your situation is greater than the
power within you to change it. Your subconscious has
brought the negative affirmation you have developed
and, as a result, is obediently delivering exactly
what you asked for.
RESPOND TO LIFE WITH ACTION
“What holds attention determines action”
-William James
A weak, timid, indecisive approach to life breeds
inertia, failure and disappointment. Many people fail
to act because they are afraid to make a mistake or
think that what they conceive can never become
reality.
Great
inventions
and
discoveries
go
unrecognized when those behind them give up in
despair, exclaiming, “My idea hasn’t a chance!” This
104

attitude is tragic because the world needs what each
one of us has to offer.
Back in 1880, a man employed by the US Patent Office
handed in a letter of resignation. “Everything has
been invented that could possibly be conceived of by
man,” he wrote, “and I see no future in my job.”
Don’t be like this man! The future is full of
unlimited opportunities for those who take action and
turn their thoughts into realities.
FORTUNE FAVORS THE BOLD
Remember this psychological truth: FORTUNE FAVORS THE
BOLD. You must conceive in your mind the world you
want to live in, the situations you want to master,
and the greatness you want to achieve. The ideas and
concepts of releasing your unlimited potential can
only be turned into reality if you take bold action
now. Wishful thinking will not make your dreams come
true. Learn this lesson from history: “He who
hesitates is lost.” Undoubtedly, you could relate
dozens of instance in your own life when you
hesitated and lost. But you won’t ever have to lose
again if you learn to take bold action.
If you want to be free and build total selfconfidence,
your
thinking
must
control
your
limitations instead of your limitations controlling
your thinking. Look at your life for a moment! What
do you see? Do you see opportunity, love, happiness,
success and fulfillment? Or, have you mentally set up
restrictive limitations? If so, the fact that you
have declared yourself a prisoner will make you a
prisoner. Once you make up your mind to be free and
declare that you are “sick and tired of being sick
and tired,” you will be motivated to make necessary
moves toward liberation. The truth is, you will
remain where you are only as long as you hold
yourself prisoner.
The interesting thing about this is that we do not
have to be superhuman or extraordinary to break loose
105

from our limitations. There is really no such thing
as a “great” person. There are only “ordinary” people
who have decided to do “great” things. These are
people who are motivated by a burning desire to be
free in order to express their unlimited potential.
Each
day,
they
meet
their
problems
head-on,
overcoming them one at a time until they achieve
their deepest desires. Instead of blaming others for
their condition, they take action to change their
situation.
Apply this to yourself. Your personal freedom and
innermost desires are waiting for you, but first you
must STAKE YOUR CLAIM!
MAKING FRIENDS WITH FAILURE
Failure is a necessary part of growth yet it produces
one of the strongest fears most people have. As a
child, it didn’t bother you. If you were skating and
fell down and bruised yourself, you got up and
started to skate again. Did you consider yourself a
failure every time you fell down? Of course not!
Everything you learned as a child was learned by
trial and error. Sometimes you were successful, and
sometimes you weren’t. If you weren’t, you simply
tried again until you got it right. You didn’t
condemn yourself or withdraw and resolve never to try
it again. Failure was accepted as part of the growth
process.
Unfortunately,
somewhere
along
your
path
of
development, you picked up the idea that there is
something wrong with failing. You became very much
concerned about what others would think when failure
occurred. Even if you didn’t take chances with your
life, you felt you must always look good in the eyes
of your family, friends and society.
You may have decided that the best way to avoid
failure was to tackle only those things for which
success was assured in advance. Since there is very
little in life that we can be one hundred percent
106

sure of, your activities would necessarily be
limited. This attitude probably had its genesis in
your teens when you where striving for the acceptance
of your peer group. Most teens would rather die than
appear stupid, ridiculous or fail in front of their
peer group.
During our teens we spent a lot of time comparing
ourselves to others. As we looked around us it seemed
that our peers always had assets we felt we didn’t
have. Therefore, in order not to expose ourselves to
challenge, and the possibility of failure, we began
to withdraw. Failure was something that was avoided
at all costs; approval was our strongest motivation.
As this habit pattern became impressed into our
subconscious,
our
limited
thinking
made
us
a
prisoner. In order to function, we created a comfort
zone whereby we avoided unpleasant situations and
established a routine that we felt comfortable with.
Unfortunately, our comfort zone shuts off all the
unlimited possibilities, which exist outside it.
If we are to break out of the comfort zone we
created, we must make friends with failure. When we
decide to give up our need for approval, it won’t
matter how many mistakes we make as long as we reach
our ultimate goal. Thomas Edison conducted 10,000
experiments
before
inventing
the
light
bulb.
Undeterred,
he
didn’t
classify
any
of
these
experiments as failures. Instead, he said, he had
successfully identified 9,999 ways his invention
wouldn’t work!
What we are talking about here is persistence. This
is the dynamic quality that separates the achievers
from the non-achievers and often, surprisingly, takes
the place of intelligence, knowledge, education and
even experience. Those who are persistent refuse to
allow any person, circumstance or condition to get in
their way. An unknown writer put it this way –

107

Nothing in the world can take the place of
persistence.
Talent will not. Nothing is more common than
unsuccessful people with talent.
Genius will not.
Unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will
not. The world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are supreme.
THE LAW OF EXPECTANCY
Time and time again, psychological studies have shown
that the basic reason for a person’s success is that
he expected to succeed. Athletes who achieve success
expect to win. Mohammed Ali was one of the greatest
prizefighters of all time. In his usual out-going
way, he affirmed victory by stating, “When I win this
fight….” not “If I win this fight.” Now, that’s total
self-confidence!
Aristotle
find.”

said,

“What

you

expect,

that

you

shall

Expectations control your life, so it is imperative
that you control your expectations. If you expect the
best, you will attract the best. But if you expect
the worst to happen, be assured that it will. By
permitting your life to be dominated by negative
thought patterns, you form the habit of expecting
negative results. Studies show that over ninety
percent of the population has negative expectations.
You may find this hard to accept, but the reason you
grow old is because you expect to. You have been
programmed to begin getting old when you reach a
certain
age.
At
that
point
in
time,
you
subconsciously take on the personality, dress style
and symptoms of old age. Elephants have an instinct
that enables them to predict death. When they feel
their time has come, they embark on a journey to the
‘elephants’ graveyard. The majority of people I know
do about the same thing!

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Total self-confidence is built through positive
expectations. You can build positive expectations by
knowing that you have the power within to overcome
any obstacle that lies ahead. So many people have a
magnetic attraction to the past. They save momentos,
clippings, old letters and trivia. While there is
nothing “wrong with this, if you want to succeed your
mind must focus on where you are going, not to where
you have been. Instead of saving momentos, clippings,
old letters and trivia from the past, it would be
more productive to make a scrapbook with pictures of
where you want to go and what you want to be in the
future.
Look forward to the future with expectations, and
then act enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is a powerful
motivating force and one of the great secrets of
success. Derived from two Greek words, ‘en’ meaning
‘in’ and ‘theos’ meaning ‘God,’ enthusiasm means God
in You. And it is this God Power within you that will
enable you to accomplish anything you desire if you
release it through dynamic thinking.
The margin of difference in actual skill, ability and
intelligence between those who achieve and those who
fail is really quite small. If two people are evenly
matched, the one who is enthusiastic will find the
scales tipping in his favor. Even an enthusiastic
person with second-rate ability will often succeed
where a person of first-rate ability, lacking
enthusiasm, will fail.
When Mark Twain was asked the secret of his success,
he replied, “I was born excited.” Thomas Edison said,
“When a man dies, if he can pass enthusiasm along to
his children, he has left them as estate of
incalculable value.” And Emerson, in his essays,
observed, “Every great and commanding moment in the
annals of the world is the triumph of somebody’s
enthusiasm.” The respective life experiences of these
men bear out their shared philosophy.
When you expect something positive, through the Law
of Attraction, just like a magnet, you will attract
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whatever you expect. Know that your expectations of
today will be your life of tomorrow.
THE SECRECY PRINCIPLE
None of your time should be spent in telling others
what you are going to accomplish. To do so is another
form of approval seeking. By disclosing your goals
you
will
dissipate
valuable
energy
needed
to
accomplish them, as well as set up opposition from
those who wish to control you.
Most people will try to talk you out of your goals.
They dislike seeing anyone having more or do better
than they, and will resort to almost any extreme to
put down someone who tries to break away from
mediocrity. Don’t give them a chance! Many would-be
achievers have lost out before they even got started
by letting others, particularly family members, talk
them out of what they really wanted to do. Unless you
are sharing a goal with someone else, it is best to
keep it to yourself.

Secret #10
YOU DESERVE A BREAK TODAY
The best break you can give yourself is one devoted
to meditation with its unique combination of peace
and power. Persons concerned with the betterment of
humankind have come to the conclusion, at different
times and in different places, that, if we are to
achieve our maximum mental, physical and spiritual
potential, a system of complete rest, relaxation and
inner communication is essential. Without this, we
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can only expect
capabilities.

to

operate

at

a fraction

of

our

Different techniques have been developed to help us
reach our potential. The most common is mediation.
Meditation is not the invention of any one group or
individual. It does not necessarily have anything to
do with any religious group or denomination. No
initiation is required, no ceremony is necessary and,
contrary to what you may have been led to believe no
one has to teach you how to meditate. While
instruction may be helpful, it is not essential.
All the mystery and hocus-pocus surrounding mediation
has kept many people from exploring the possibility
of integrating it into their lives. The simple fact
is that the art of meditation can be learned with
little or no difficulty by anyone. The ability to
meditate is inherent in each one of us. Once we
understand the basic principles, we can meditate by
ourselves.
WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF MEDITATION?
Meditation reestablishes our contact with the Source
of Power within us. It cleanses the mind and makes us
open and receptive to creative ideas, intuition and
inspiration. It reveals where we have gone wrong and
guides us back to the right path again. We become one
with everything and everyone because, as we mediate,
we tune into One Mind of the universe. It helps us to
achieve our full potential through deep rest of the
nervous system, rest which is deeper than ordinary
sleep but, throughout which, we remain alert. During
this time, stress is released and we are fully
relaxed and calm. Just as an athlete runs to train
his body, in meditation, we are tuning and training
the mind to function at its maximum potential. This
is one of the basic reasons why meditation increases
efficiency in everyday life.

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WHEN TO MEDITATE
Begin by putting aside a time for meditation at the
beginning of each day, preferably before breakfast.
This will tune you into the Life Force and program
you for the day. Then set aside a similar period in
the evening. It is suggested that this be at least
four
hours
before
retiring
because
you
will
automatically
be
rejuvenated.
Your
nighttime
mediation will help you get rid of the negative
feelings you have accumulated during the day.
This or a similar schedule should regularly be
followed for best results. Meditating once a day is
better than meditating twice a day every other day,
or every third day. What you are looking for is the
cumulative effect. Consistency is an important factor
in achieving best results.
One never actually stops meditating. It is an
unending process. Once you start meditating properly,
you will never be the same again. The whole idea is
to make it a permanent part of your life.
WHERE SHOULD ONE MEDITATE?
I assume that you will be doing most of your
meditating at home. Find a place where you can be
alone, preferably in a room where you can shut off
most of the bright light. A quiet spot is essential,
one where you can keep out the noise of the world.
Noise saps your memory and kills your chance of being
able to concentrate and communicate with your higher
mind.
It is a good idea to meditate in the same location
each day. After a while, you will build up a kind of
positive vibration there which will help promote
relaxation. You will automatically associate that
spot with being quiet and peaceful.
The spine should be straight so that the nervous
system is not pinched but able to function at its
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maximum freedom.
A comfortable, padded straightbacked chair is good for this purpose. It will keep
you from hunching over and help distribute your body
weight evenly. Try different chairs until you find
the one in which you are the most comfortable and
unaware of your body.
Do not lie down. To do so will only make you
associate meditation with sleep. Eventually you will
just doze off and miss out on all the benefits for
which meditation is intended.
BEFORE YOU START
The most important thing to remember at the outset is
this: DO NOT FIGHT YOUR THOUGHTS. Many people say, “I
have
trouble
meditating
because
I
can’t
stop
thinking.” Their problem is resistance. The more you
resist your thoughts, the more they will get in the
way. But once you stop resisting them and let them
pass by without giving them your DOMINANT ATTENTION,
they will cease to intrude.
The first thing to do is to slow down you mind, body
and senses. You are trying to form a kind of vacuum
that can be filled with creative thoughts and
vibrations. If you start thinking that the house
needs cleaning or the shopping that needs to be done,
stop immediately and discipline your mind to return
to meditation.
Meditation is like changing the direction of a wheel.
First, we have to slow down the wheel. After we slow
it down, we stop it and then start it rolling the
other way.
Your subconscious mind will help you in this process.
Once it knows what you are trying to achieve, it will
create a habit pattern that will enable you to reach
this state of consciousness. Just keep on programming
the new habit into your subconscious and it will take
over automatically without any distracting effort on
your part.
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This experience is rather like starting a motorboat.
If you have ever done this, you know that the first
time you pull the cord the motor doesn’t start. You
try again, all of a sudden it catches and you’re off.
And so it is with meditation. After you have
experienced this feeling a few times it becomes
easier and easier.
Meditation is a three-step process.
(1) Relax and let go.
(2) Reach out and listen.
(3) Visualize and affirm.
The following method consolidates, in simplified
form,
all
the
latest
findings
and
techniques
established
by
psychology,
religion,
Eastern
philosophy and medicine.
STEP ONE - RELAX AND LET-GO
As long as your muscles are tense, they absorb both
physical and mental energy. To get rid of this
distracting electrical energy, stretch out your
entire body and make all your muscles loose. Then sit
upright in your chair and close your eyes.
Take
a
deep
breath
and
exhale,
slowly
and
comfortably.
Feel yourself relax. It is normal to
relax when exhaling.
Now flex or tighten your
muscles by squeezing them and letting them go. Start
with your arms, hands and shoulders. Next, do the
muscles in your back and abdominal area.
Finally,
the muscles in your thighs, calves and feet. Take
another deep breath and relax.
At this point, some organizations give their students
a ‘mantra,’ which is a meaningless phrase whose
purpose is to keep the mind from wandering. You don’t
need a mantra. The only reason a mantra will work is
because you believe it will.
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The best phrase I have found is “LET-GO”. Just say to
yourself, “LET-GO”. Take another breath and repeat
the words until you feel yourself letting go of all
your concerns, anxieties and negative thoughts. Keep
on repeating these words until you are calm and
peaceful and your mind is empty of all conscious
thinking. At that point you will be open and
receptive.
STEP TWO - REACH OUT AND LISTEN
This is a mind-expanding function. Every great
thinker, philosopher, theologian, mystic or scientist
has disagreed with his colleagues on many things but
the one thing on which they all agree is that there
is only one Creative Intelligence in the universe.
This Intelligence or Mind is the origin of all
thought.
Your direct guidance and intuition comes from the
Superconscious through the subconscious.
Remember
that the subconscious is open at both ends. At one
end, there is the inflow of creative ideas from the
Superconscious. At the other end is where it receives
instructions from your conscious phase of mind. As
you have learned, your reasoning or conscious mind
tricks you by distorting your perception of reality
and subsequently, your actions. In order to connect
to the Creative Intelligence that expresses itself as
you and through you, you have to quiet your conscious
mind.
It’s as if you owned and controlled a great
PowerHouse in which a tremendous electric dynamo
waited to serve you. Once you allow this Power to
enter your consciousness, your life will be a
powerful experience!
It is not necessary to try to understand or figure
out how it works. All you have to know is that it
exists and will guide you, allowing you to float
through any of life’s problems or obstacles. Spend a
few minutes meditating on the fact that the same
Force that sustains the sun, clouds, planets and the
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sea is within you. Know that you are an expression of
that Power. Know that it is perfect. Let your mind
float in it. Give it a chance to enter and illuminate
your consciousness. Know that you are ONE with that
perfect, unlimited power.
If you have any need in your life or problem to which
you are seeking a solution, briefly state it. Note, I
said briefly.
You are dealing with an All-Knowing
Intelligence so you really don’t need to tell It
anything. The “telling” is for your benefit. After
you have done this, RELEASE the thought. Let your
mind act like a radarscope and sense its directional
influence.
Be
open
and
receptive
to
whatever
intuition or guidance you receive.
Learn to take a listening attitude as if you were
expecting to hear something. As I said earlier,
sometimes it is difficult to meditate when you are
thinking about your need or problem. But, in this
three-step meditation, you set the details aside
until you have prepared yourself, and then you
release them and listen. Meditation is a time to
silence your distracting thoughts and listen from
within instead of listening to the chattering or your
conscious mind.
With practice, you will suddenly become aware that
you are listening. Guidance will come through your
intuition. When you receive an impelling urge, you
will feel a sudden impulse to act: to do something,
to contact someone or go somewhere. This is your cue.
This is your direction. TRUST IT. ACT ON THIS
GUIDANCE. It can never be wrong for your subconscious
is
connected
to
the
Source
of
All-Knowing
Intelligence through the Superconscious.
Do not reject certain ideas or impulses because you
do not like them or believe them, or because they are
not what you think they should be. Beware of your
conscious or reasoning mind working against you.
Carry out your guidance. When you get suggestions to
go somewhere or do something, go where you are told
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and do what you are impressed to do.
Let your
subconscious take full charge. If you do, you will
encounter people or circumstances that can help you.
I have experienced this hundreds of times.
Just listen to, accept and do exactly what your
intuition tells you. If you are told to leave
something alone, leave it alone. If you are told to
change something, change it at once. You cannot alter
your life if you don’t do something different.
Remember, if you keep doing what you are doing – you
will keep getting what you are getting. Is that good
news? If not, then listen to your inner guidance and
do something different!
.
STEP THREE - VISUALIZE AND AFFIRM
Take a few moments and visualize and affirm whatever
it is that you want to be, do or have in your life
experience.
Any words repeated over and over again
with conviction in this state of consciousness,
especially if they are linked with visualization,
will be experienced.
Picture a mental screen before you. You can change
your life by seeing yourself acting out those things
you want by altering the images in your mind. The
secret is to visualize yourself as already having
these things. If you want health, picture yourself as
perfectly healthy. If you want money, see yourself
with lots of money, spending and enjoying it. Picture
your checkbook with a large balance. If you want your
business to expand, picture the increase in customers
or clients In each situation see yourself smiling and
happy.
Visualize your wishes as clearly as possible. Not
only see them, but also feel them. They are already a
reality once you can visualize them in the nonphysical. Do you remember Professor James’ words?
“The greatest discovery of our age is that man, by
changing the inner aspects of his thinking, can
change the outer aspects of his life.”
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Reinforce the images with positive affirmations or
statements
that
relate
to
what
you
wish
to
accomplish. You can select from those listed in the
last chapter of this book, or make up your own. Keep
on
repeating
them
silently
while
visualizing.
Remember always: words have creative power.
Finally, mentally give thanks that it is so. This
will make you consciously aware that your desires are
on their way and will create a feeling of expectancy.
This is absolutely essential to their realization.
Open your eyes and stretch, enjoying the feeling of a
desire now assured of completion or attainment.
The more you meditate, the more you will like it. The
less you meditate, the more you find it a bother. The
more you do it, the greater will be your rewards.

Secret #11
THE TIME OF YOUR LIFE
In the lives of busy people no question is asked more
often than, “Where has the time gone?” Time, of
course,
hasn’t
gone
anywhere
as
the
question
suggests, but merely moves on at its normal rate
while we become painfully aware that we are
accomplishing much less than we would like to.
Unlike the timekeeper at a sports event, in the game
of life, we can’t ‘stop the clock’ for an instant
replay. And when we protest, “I don’t have the time,”
more often than not, whatever we are doing is not
important enough to warrant our taking time for it.
Let’s admit it. No one has more time than another. We
have the same amount of time in every day as everyone
else. We have the same number of minutes in our hours
and the same number of hours in our day. And, yet, we
repeat the same old phrases.

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In striving for a fuller, more complete and
satisfying life, we hear a lot about the stewardship
of wealth and possessions. Less is said about the
stewardship of talent.
And little about the
stewardship of time.
Unquestionably, time passes quickly. Every moment
that goes by is a time in our lives. Since our entire
existence is composed of time, it is of the utmost
importance
that
we
consider
the
emotional
significance in how we use it. “I’m awfully busy,”
“I’m in a hurry,” and “I just haven’t the time,” are
three large nails in the coffin of happiness.
Continually rushing through life precludes the
development of a personality of strength and beauty,
and robs life of its savor and flavor.
Every morning beyond our bedroom windows there is
fresh air, trees, mountains, fields or parks. But we
rarely ever see them. We turn right over and go on
sleeping or simply jump out of bed and rush off to
work. And when asked why this helter-skelter pace, we
insist that we do not have enough time to do the
thing we want to do.
Time becomes our master. Yet we must learn to master
time instead of being mastered by it. We must stop
being time’s fool. Neither waste it, nor get caught
up in the ‘no time’ syndrome. Instead, we must learn
to control it and make time for the important things
in life. When we snatch the whip of hurry from the
hand of time, we regain self-mastery.
IS TIME THE PROBLEM…OR YOU?
The relentless ticking of the clock holds the
impression that there isn’t enough time to do what we
want to do. For instance, there are things you’ve
been meaning to do for years: learn a language, visit
some place, write a special letter, take a course,
finish a book, do… If only you’d more time! You’re
soooo busy. But are you…really?
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People take courses in time management and still end
up having no time to do the things that are necessary
for success. The truth is if we really want to get
something done; we’ll find the time to do it. We
don’t need a time management expert to tell us how.
Let me give you some examples.
Presume I’m going to hire you to sell a copy of this
book for the retail price on the cover. However, for
the next forty-eight hours, I’ll give you one hundred
dollars for each copy you sell. How much time are you
going to spend on eating, talking on the phone,
watching TV, engaging in idle conversation, or just
sitting around? Would you talk with anyone who isn’t
a good prospect for a sale?
Okay, you’re in school. For every “A” you get, I will
give you a check for five thousand dollars. If you
maintain a four-point average, I will give you one
hundred thousand dollars. Do you think you could fine
the time to study?
If these offers were made to you, you wouldn’t have
to read a book or take a time management course to
find the time to do a good sales job or attain high
grades, would you? The reason for this is simple. You
would have identified an extremely desirable goal and
have an almost uncontrollable obsession to achieve
it.
There you have it! The secret of finding time to do
the things you want is to really want to do them, not
wishing to do them. We all wish we could do more, but
we actually don’t want to, so we just keep on wasting
time and wishing for more of it.
When we do make a decision to master time, the first
step is not tackling the nearest calendar and
budgeting our time. This is the last step. The first
step is to clarify why we want to do something rather
than why we ought to do it. This is done by
developing a real philosophical understanding of the
importance, as well as unimportance, of time in our
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lives. Once we have the motivation to take command,
the mechanics of achievement will follow.
Gaining the upper hand of the clock and calendar in
no way implies disregarding time. Only when we know
how to deal with it are we in a position to control
it. By working with time, we can achieve remarkable
results. But easy does it! The first attempt need not
involve achieving a major goal. The secret of winning
is beginning. Once we have time on our side, our
simplest efforts will accumulate the strength and
confidence needed for any greater effort.
EVERY JOURNEY BEGINS WITH
THE FIRST STEP
Do you want more time, but don’t know where to begin?
Here’s a suggestion - make an effort to rise earlier!
This one step can add one or two hours to your
productive day and years to your life. Take on
something you have been meaning to do and do it in
your spare time before breakfast. Would you like to
be an expert on some subject? Every morning study for
a half-hour and you can become an authority on it.
That’s all it takes. It’s so simple; it escapes the
majority of people who keep chanting, “Someday I
would like to…but I never seem to have the time.”
Just because you never started the work, play or
study that really interests you is no reason why you
can’t start right now. Time doesn’t count us out. We
only imagine it does. It’s never too late to begin.
Time is impersonal. It is the same every moment. It
imposes no limitations upon us. Our only limitations
are self-imposed.
THE “AFTER THEORY”
You can achieve success in anything if you are
determined to make the time. For example, instead of
doing something every week, why not do it every other
week. Instead of going to the same place every Monday
evening, why not go every other Monday evening. By
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saving an evening every other week, you will have
made the time to do other, more important things.
Most people live by the ‘after-theory’ they have big
plans. They are going to do great things…after the
kids grow up, after they change jobs, after they get
a new car, after they finish school, after they get
new drapes, etc, etc. This ‘after’ period never
comes, but they keep on promising themselves that
some day they are going to get what they want. Now,
while opportunity may knock more than once, it seldom
sits on the doorstep awaiting our pleasure.
Do the things you always wanted now. Or make plans
now. Or program your subconscious now. Not tomorrow!
You will never have more time than you have today.
How you spend the next twenty-four hours determines
how you will spend the next twenty-four hours. And so
on – and so on.
Get the feeling of adventure. On your next day off,
take a trip to the park, mountains or a nearby
seaside resort.
Never mind the weather! Get up and
get out!
Use your imagination. Think about getting a ticket to
some place, packing your suitcase, slamming the door
and escaping from the dullness of everyday routine.
Even if the journey is short, think of the thrill of
saying, “I’m going away next week.”
Want to travel to foreign countries? The steppingstone is making time. Plan and get going. Don’t wait
a moment longer. Once you get the feeling that you
are going to make something happen, it will begin to
happen. Traveling will become a part of you, and you
will have a strong desire to see more and more of the
world.
Feeling is the key to expectancy. Get the feeling
that this is it. That you are going to break out or
your normal routine. Expectancy will set in motion a
mighty power within you that will cause your desire
to happen. The more excited you become, the faster
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you will get your wish. By maintaining this state of
expectancy, you will draw to you the ways and means
for bigger and better adventures.
DON’T LET TIME MANAGE YOU – MANAGE IT!
Frustration and discouragement are always selfcreated. With a little thought, we find that time,
without its whip, is a great encourager. Our job is
learning to love time; to value it for the value it
brings. As has been observed so wisely, we are taught
to save time and waste our lives.
Time has meaning only when it holds experiences that
expand life’s meaning for us. It seems to drag or fly
by according to what it holds. Once we grasp this, we
begin to master the role it plays in our lives,
creating time the way we want it and when we want it.
Let me give you an example of making time. My first
love teaching. There have been times when I have
presented over one hundred and fifty classes and
seminars during the course of a year. These classes
and seminars took up a lot of my time, but I loved
every moment of them. I have never been trained as a
writer, so I find writing very demanding on my
abilities. Yet, I have trained myself to write by
setting aside the time to write.
Because I would rather be teaching, I must make time
to write. And this book was important enough for me
to make that time. For three months I shut myself off
from the rest of the world to complete this goal. The
rest of the world and my friends thought I was dead
or had disappeared! I only worked on the manuscript.
After all, what are three months out of my life when
the results may benefit many people?
Although I was “dead” to everyone else, I was very
much alive in what I was doing. My excitement and
enthusiasm were self-created and enabled me to
complete the book. In essence, writing the book
demanded discipline, making time and creating the
excitement and enthusiasm, which carried me through.
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So many people are bored. They say there is nothing
to do. How sad this is! They drink, watch TV, play
video games, cards or bingo, and do almost anything
for the sake of killing time. But while they are
killing time, they are also killing their creative
imaginations. They have no time for study, meditation
or self-improvement.
Life is to act. Not to act is death. The clock is
ticking away. Life is an emergency. The time is now.
Visualize yourself as a person who always does things
now. Everything you envision is done right away or,
at very least, you make plans to do it right away. If
you really want to be emotionally strong, healthy,
successful and alive, find time to study and mediate
on the principles we have been talking about. It
takes time to be successful. Lots of time. There is
no magic formula. It takes time, study, meditation
and action.
Make use of the time God has given you. Most people
do not realize the value of time until they come to
the end of it, then they beg for a few minutes more.
Those who died in the last twenty-four hours would
have given anything for another twenty-four hours.
You can spend the next twenty-four hours reaching
your true potential or sliding down into your own
particular hell. The choice is always yours.
TIME BECOMES A TOOL, NOT A TYRANT
You must learn to regard the clock as an artist
regards his materials. Not as a whip, but as a
paintbrush to add beauty to the picture you are
creating. You must be aware of the freedom of choice
you are exercising and learn the value of time
without fearing it. In other words, you must do
whatever you do because you are using time for your
purpose or objective, and in no case permit it to be
an end in itself. There is no virtue in budgeting
time unless you get more out of it that way.
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Using time effectively depends largely upon learning
to set priorities. One of the simplest but finest
methods of doing this is to get into the habit of
writing down each night before retiring the six most
important things you want to do the next day. After
you list these, put them in their order of priority.
As you get those things done you set out to do, you
will be filled with a great sense of accomplishment.
Each project you complete will make the next seem
easier. And success will follow success.
Allotting your hours to their best use is a splendid
mental exercise because, in so doing, you must decide
on the relative importance of the items to be
included in your daily activities. This type of
preliminary
evaluation,
which
helps
separate
essentials from non-essentials, guarantees rewards
way out of proportion to the initial time involved.
The ancient Chinese proverb says, “A journey of a
thousand miles begins with a single step.” You must
not only start moving, but also keep moving forward.
Managing your time efficiently does not mean you have
to rush. Some people are always in a hurry but never
seem to get any more done than those who pace
themselves. Do you remember when you last wanted to
‘save time’? What did you do with the time you saved?
Did you put it away to use some day when you needed
it? The point is that time can be managed but not
saved. Trying to save time only results in anxiety
and frustration. Remember our earlier precaution:
Don’t save time and waste your life!
Making use of time begins with realizing how you are
presently using it. Look over daily activities and
see where you can make changes.
Do the most unpleasant assignments and activities
first. This way, you will work harder and get more
done because you will always have a pleasant task
ahead.
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Take time to make time. Don’t forget to make time in
your schedule for planning.
THERE NEVER WAS A BETTER TIME – FOR YOU
Because we exist in a universe of magnificent rhythm
and timing, the body and mind respond easily to the
rhythm of repetition in action. In your assumed
mastery of time, never regard regularity as a
mundane, dull, uninteresting, or a matter of duty.
Instead, think of it as the same type of rhythm that
makes music enjoyable. The challenge and invitation
are to swing along with it and catch the tempo of the
melody of life. One of the principal objectives of
this book is to help you build more self-confidence
so you can enjoy the TIME OF YOUR LIFE!

Secret #11
OVERCOMING FEAR AND WORRY
Fear has been around for thousand of years that we
know of. Our primitive ancestors feared thunder and
lightning; feared the wild beast and feared each
other. Fear was present when Noah launched his Ark.
The word appears in the Bible over four hundred
times. When nations are at war, the world fears an
expanded conflict. When there isn’t a war, we fear
that there might be a war in the future. In between,
we fear a thousand and one things, large and small,
involving ourselves, other people and situations in
our daily lives.
We were born with only two fears: the fear of falling
and the fear of loud noises. The rest we developed
ourselves.
Fear
takes
many
forms.
There
is
claustrophobia which is the fear of confined spaces;
agoraphobia, the fear of open spaces; ailurophobia,
the fear of cats; astraphobia, the fear of thunder
and lightning; hematophobia, the fear of blood;
acrophobia, the fear of heights; hydrophobia, the
fear of water; nucophobia, the fear of darkness; and
the worst fear of all - the fear of failure.
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Fear is a destructive emotion that can deal a
blow to any attempt on your part to build total
confidence. If you allow your fears to run your
it will be impossible to create the life you
desire.

fatal
selflife,
truly

REVERSE, NOT REHEARSE, YOUR FAILURES
By giving your dominant thoughts to failure, you are
impelled to fail. Failure is rehearsed by constant
repetition. How many times a day do you think about
failing and failure? Do you ever tell people that you
“know” you are going to fail? Do you find yourself
thinking, “What a terrible failure I’ve been,” or a
thousand other reasons why you think you will fail?
This is the kind of negative rehearsal which, when
combined with early childhood conditioning, makes you
respond to the greatest challenges and opportunities
with, “I can’t!”
What can we do to overcome our fear of failure?
First, we must be willing to face failure. Before
starting on a new endeavor, ask yourself, “What is
the worst than can happen?” Be prepared mentally
should failure occur. It is important here to
distinguish this from expectation. I am not saying
that you should expect to fail, for this would make
failure certain. What I am saying is that if you are
mentally prepared for the worst, you will have the
confidence to enable you to meet and successfully
handle even the greatest of challenges.
We worry about many things, but they all boil down to
this: WE ARE NOT LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. Now
think about it. You can only worry if you are either
focused on the future or in the past. If you are
living in the present moment, it is impossible to
worry. For instance, are you worried this very
second? Of course not! Why? Simply because you are
reading this book and your concentration precludes
worrying in the moment. The mind cannot think of two
things at the same time.
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Overcoming fear and worry can be accomplished by
living a day at a time, or better yet, a moment at a
time. Just say to yourself, “For the next few
minutes, hours or days, I will… “Make a positive
statement and keep your promise only for that period
of time. Forget about the future beyond that. If you
live life a moment at a time, your worries will be
cut down to nothing.
It is important to have a sense of humor. Humor is a
safety valve. It keeps you from taking yourself too
seriously. The problem with most people is that they
take life too seriously. Even religion is too
serious. What should be light, exciting and uplifting
is usually a guilt-producing experience. It goes back
to what you have already learned: If you make people
feel “less than” or unworthy, you can control them.
It’s the old situation of dependency.
But surely the Creator must have sense of humor. If
you look at the aardvark or porcupine, it is not hard
to conclude that the Creator must have a sense of
humor! The Creator gave us a sense of humor to
relieve our tensions. Humor allows us to laugh at our
fears.
Again and again, plunge into the very thing that
makes you afraid so that, in the end, your fear will
exposed for what it is – an illusion. This helps to
build spiritual and emotional muscle.
Most of the time fear is due to using the mind more
than the body. If you think too much and neglect
action, you generate fear. Lead a more active life
and you will have less time to worry. Take long walks
to release body tensions. An over-active mind and an
under-active body can lead to trouble. On your walk,
take this book with you. Find a quiet spot, take a
break
and,
without
looking,
open
it.
Your
subconscious will guide you to the right spot. Read
a page or two and then take the long way home. As you
stride along, thinking about what you have read, your
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mind and body will be working in perfect balance.
Fear starts when there is a lack of balance. The
principle has been recognized in developing the body,
but completely overlooked in developing the mind and
bringing the two into harmony.
CHANGE, THE ORDER OF THE UNIVERSE
Mental hospitals are filled with patients who are
unable to face change. These people have created ways
to try and escape from it. But if there is one thing
even more certain than death and taxes, it is the
inevitability of change. No one can avoid it. So we
must learn to accept and look forward to it.
In fact, change is what you want. You want beauty in
life; champagne instead of beer; an automobile
instead of a car; a home instead of a house. And you
can only have all these things if you relinquish
fear.
Change means changing your way of thinking. It’s also
being willing to give up things the way they are, to
have them the way you want them to be! No one else
can do that for you.
CHANGE COMES WITH BEING DIFFERENT
Make no mistake about it, if you are to escape from
mediocrity, you must consciously decide that you want
to be different. All great individuals are different.
They are different from the masses. This is what
makes them stand out.
You must have enough guts to say to yourself, “I will
not lead a life of mediocrity. I am different. I am a
fantastic person with a fantastic future. A dull life
is not for me.” Repeat these statements start right
now!
If you are exhausted and fearful, perhaps there’s no
ad-venture in your life. Nothing is worse than being
in a rut. To sleep in the same bed every night, eat
at the same restaurants, see the same people, go the
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same way to work, do the same thing every day is
complete madness.
Sameness destroys creativity and
will quickly have you banging on the psychiatrist’s
door. People caught up in this cycle are the slaves
to sameness, the ones who fear the slightest change.
When you are frustrated with your daily routine,
change it.
Changing does not mean disregarding
others or feeling superior. It means claiming the
right to speak and act for yourself and doing what is
necessary to make you happy. Confucius summed to up
this way. “They must often change who would be in
constant happiness.”
The first thing to do is to stop fighting change.
Learn to live with it and enjoy it. The weather is
going to change. Your company is going to change. The
government is going to change. So are the people
around you. Everything and everybody is going to
change, so why fight it? Why not be one of those who
says, “Let’s see what I can change to improve things.
Make the right changes. The right changes are always
positive. Begin by changing small things every day
until change becomes a way of life. Don’t cling to
one lifestyle. Change the furniture or your style or
dress. Switch things around in your room, apartment
or house. Don’t leave anything the same. Keep
changing things just to make it interesting.
Do you find yourself resisting this? If you do it’s
because you feel threatened by change. Remember, the
only way to overcome fear is to do the thing you fear
the most. And if that means change, then change you
must!
Change your hairdo and color. Try some new foods. If
you are dissatisfied with your looks, get a makeover
or consult a plastic surgeon. A new appearance may do
wonders for your personality. Surprise yourself and
your friends with the changed you.

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Change is a habit. Your whole life is lived by habit.
Since infancy, you have trained yourself to respond
the way you do. Changing your life means changing
your habits.
Sometimes this can be unpleasant, but
the process of changing a habit will only be
temporary.
To overcome apprehension of change, keep in mind the
ultimate benefits you will receive. Concentrate on
the benefits instead of on the fears and assumed
hardships which change might impose. Write these
benefits down. Read them each day and see how the
change is benefiting you.
Look at everything that comes into your life as a
chance to change for the better. If you are about to
be transferred, or if your office or department is
closing down, your job position has been eliminated,
your lover has left you, you have to move to a new
place, or your car has finally stopped running.
Instead of dwelling on the negative, think of
possible
positive
consequences.
If
you
stop
resisting, accept the change and look forward to a
new and better experience, something good will
happen. Good things come when you are ready to
change.

Secret #12
MOVE AHEAD THROUGH POSITIVE
COMMUNICATIONS
One of the most common phrases I hear in my
counseling work is, “We just don’t communicate.”
Because most people identify communication with the
written and oral word, they often feel that they are
not communicating. But this is not the case at all.
We are always communicating.
People communicate
through body language, facial expressions, gestures,
mannerisms
and
even
silence.
Our
ability
to
communicate shows just as much in what we don’t say
as in what we do say.
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In the western culture, we do little to develop nonverbal communication. In some cultures considerable
emphasis is placed on non-verbal communication. The
Japanese have a word for this: “harrigay”. Derived
from two other Japanese words, “harra” meaning
stomach and “gay” meaning art, “harrigay” is the art
of getting inside another person and trying to
understand her or him with little use of the spoken
word. A person is responsible not only for what he
says, but for what the other person understands
through
gestures,
mannerisms,
expressions,
body
language, etc.
If you are having problems communicating with others,
the first thing you must understand and accept is
that you are responsible for others not understanding
you. More than likely it is the way you come across
and the way you non-verbally communicate to other
people. All family problems, business communication
problems, individual misunderstandings and even wars
are rooted in our inability to understand another’s
point of view. So let’s begin by recognizing the fact
that we cannot change others, but we can change our
attitudes towards them.
Communication is a delivery system for our attitudes.
The
way
we
express
ourselves
is
an
outward
manifestation of what we are thinking inside.
Longfellow wrote, “A single conversation across the
table with a wise person is better than a ten-year
study of books.”
One of the greatest problems that threaten any
marriage occurs when both partners have not learned
how to communicate with each other. Most failures in
business are not really business failures, but people
failures.
People just fail to communicate. Almost
every study shows that employees view a good manager
as one who can communicate with them.
Each one of us is a manager. You may be managing a
business, family, job, education or a friendship. To
be successful, each of these requires positive
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communication.
Here are some ways in which you can
be more effective.
LISTEN! LISTEN! LISTEN!
Nothing is more important in communications than
listening.
There is the old story about two women
walking down the street and they ran into a third
woman.
One
of
the
women
engaged
herself
in
conversation with the third woman for a full ten
minutes. The first woman observed, while the second
woman did all the talking, and the third woman did
all the listening.
When they finally parted, the
second woman exclaimed to the first, “That’s one of
the most brilliant women I know!” “But,” protested
the first, “she hardly said a word.” “I know,” said
the second, “But she listened. That shows she’s
smart!”
Developing a listening skill will prove that you,
too, are smart. We all feel that anyone who has the
good sense to listen to what we have to say must be a
good friend. Listening has become a lost art. Notice
when you are talking most people can’t wait for a
pause so that they can begin talking. They really
don’t hear you. They are too busy rehearsing what
they are going to say next.
It has been established in the study of Extrasensory
Perception (ESP) that if you send an ESP thought and
there is no one to receive it, it simply does not
exist. In other words, there has to be both a
receiver and sender. The same goes for conversation.
If someone is talking to you and you are not
listening, the conversation does not exist.
Listening is by far the most vital characteristic of
good communication, but it is also the most ignored.
A large portion of our lives was spent in learning to
read, write and talk, but no time is spent in
learning the art of listening. Most of us just want
to talk, and if people don’t listen, we get very
upset. “Why aren’t you listening?” or “You’re not
paying the slightest attention,” we say.
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Whether you are aware of this or not, the way you
listen has a greater impact on others than the way
you talk. The world is crying out for good listeners.
Nothing threatens another person’s self-esteem more
than indifference. But good listening extends beyond
mere silence. Signs of irritation and boredom,
sarcasm, thoughtless interruptions, disagreeing with
what a person is saying and not placing any
significance on what is being said all play their
parts in creating gaps in our communication.
When you act this way, the other person feels
rejected. Inside, he is saying, “I have something to
say that’s important. I need to be heard.” And that
person will be heard, if not by you, then by someone
else! He will do whatever is necessary to make
someone listen. The child may throw a tantrum, spill
something or fight with his brothers or sisters. The
student may skip class or refuse to study. The
marriage partner may use the silent treatment or stay
away from home. The employee may gripe or complain.
Each one will find a way to be heard.
For the most part, people do not communicate. They
simply take turns talking! Many wouldn’t listen at
all if they didn’t have to. And herein lies the
problem. Few people truly want to listen or improve
their listening ability.
This was proven to me a short time ago when I offered
to teach two courses at a local community college.
The first was on public speaking and the second on
listening. Actually, I did this to prove a point.
Within a few days, the ‘speaking’ course was
completely filled. As a matter of fact, I had to
conduct two classes to accommodate the number of
people that enrolled. As for the ‘listening’ course,
not one person enrolled! Everyone wanted to talk, but
no one wanted to listen.
If you think about it, who are the people you hold in
highest esteem? They are those who will listen to
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you. We are attracted to people who want to hear what
we have to say. This is why so many psychiatrists and
psychologists have busy practices. People want
someone to listen to them, even if they have to pay a
hundred dollars or more per hour for the privilege.
In order to be a good listener, you must want to be a
good listener. Each person with whom you come into
contact must be made to feel important. If the head
of an organization or some social or political figure
that you hold in high regard wanted to talk to you,
you would be all ears. But if a street sweeper, trash
collector, housekeeper or dishwasher wanted a few
minutes of your time, would you be as attentive?
Probably not! Yet if all these people were to
disappear for a week, whom would you miss more? The
important authority figures, or the people who make
your life more comfortable? The point is that all
people are important and you should let them know
this by listening to them.
By wanting to be a good listener, you will find out
how fascinating people are. People you may have taken
for granted or considered dull and insignificant
suddenly become interesting. Indeed, there are no
uninteresting people, only disinterested listeners!
WE ARE MORE INTERESTED IN OURSELVES
THAN ANYONE ELSE
This is a simple fact of human nature. We have
feelings, emotions, pride and anxieties. But so does
everyone else.
In order to develop positive
communications, we have to TAKE AN INTERST IN OTHER
PEOPLE. It is not necessary to be clever, make smart
remarks, tell great stories or prove how intelligent
we are. What is necessary is that our approach be
sincere.
Remember - communication is a two-way situation.
Someone has to talk and someone listens. You won’t be
able to get people to listen unless you first get
their attention.
And you won’t get their attention
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until you talk about something that interests them.
What interests people most? Themselves! They want to
discuss what they have done, what they plan to do,
where they have been and what has happened to them.
Never forget this!
A frequent and disastrous mistake in the art of
communication is to typecast people and talk to them
on that basis. Some people automatically assume that
all a woman wants to discuss is home, recipes or
babies. But this is often far from the truth. Many
women would prefer to talk about such diverse
subjects as current events, mind power, automobiles
or vintage wines. Men, too, are assumed to have
typical interests. While so-called ‘typical’ male
interests might be the stock market, football and
fishing, many would rather discuss such things as
cooking, art, cloths or self-improvement. It follows
then that the smart thing to do is to try to discover
the interests of the person with whom you are
conversing.
Next to talking about themselves, people like to give
their opinions. It’s amusing how they will discuss
things they know absolutely nothing about. Very few
people will admit to not having an opinion. Rather,
they will create one, right there on the spot. But
while this opinion may be way off base, it is
important to let them express it. You will never win
a friend by disagreeing with someone’s opinion.
In order of importance, the next thing people like to
talk about is other people. They derive real pleasure
from this. Sometimes what they say about others has
no basis in fact but again, they are entitled to
express themselves. The trick is to point out the
good qualities of the person being discussed without
taking exception to what is being said. While no
minds may be changed, this tactic switches the
conversation onto a more pleasant and positive level.
The next thing people like to discuss is things. They
will talk about anything. Here is your chance to be a
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good listener and learn something. By doing just
that,
I
have
benefited
greatly.
Even
though,
initially, I may have had little interest in a
subject, curiosity got the better of me and I found
myself wanting to know more. By listening to people
who are knowledgeable in certain areas, you can
become versed in and able to converse on a surprising
number of topics.
The last thing people want to talk about is…. YOU.
They don’t want to hear about your sickness, your
problems, or your negative views of life. Listen to
yourself and note how many times you use the firstperson pronoun. If it is excessive, start switching
from “I” to “You!”
Keep the conversation centered on the other person.
Wait until he asks about you. You can be sure that
this will only be when he is ready to listen. In
other words, after you have given him a chance to
first tell you about himself. When you do talk about
yourself, it should not be to draw attention to you,
but to tie your interest in with those of the person
with whom you are conversing.
HOLD ONLY POSITIVE CONVERVATIONS
We learned earlier that words have creative power,
the same power as the thoughts that go into shaping
our consciousness. As we are always communicating our
thoughts, it goes without saying that these should be
positive.
On those occasions when you don’t feel well, avoid
the tendency to complain. If you are a habitual
complainer, this is your way of getting attention and
sympathy. Complain often enough and you will become
known as a “pain symbol” to others. They will begin
to avoid you because no one wants to associate with
someone who makes them feel ill. Besides affecting
others, you will make yourself sicker by programming
your subconscious through constant repetition. A
friend of mine used to say, “Never tell anyone your
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troubles. Half the people don’t care, and the other
half are glad you have them!”
Talk about things that inspire others. Let them know
how you enjoy life, and watch them respond. A person
who sends out positive vibrations attracts people
like a magnet.
Everyone wants to associate with those who have a
happy and positive outlook because their attitude is
contagious.
Even if you feel down, pretend to feel
good. You will uplift other people and, in the
process, end up feeling better yourself.
Positive conversation also includes learning to keep
secrets. You will gain the confidence of people in
direct proportion to your ability to be discrete.
Before disclosing something about someone else, ask
yourself this question: “Would I be willing to tell
this to fifty people?” Learn to say only those things
you want to have repeated. If you use this approach,
you
will
discover
that
your
comments
will
automatically include only positive, constructive,
optimistic observations.
USE PLAIN LANGUAGE
You simply cannot communicate with others unless you
learn to use plain language. Something is definitely
lacking in your ability to communicate if what you
say cannot be understood by a child. Now this may
sound ridiculous, but it is true. In my early years
as a teacher and public speaker, I discovered that
effective communication with my audience was directly
related to how simple I could make complicated,
abstract ideas.
The burden of holding someone’s attention, whether it
be an audience or an individual, falls on you. No one
will pay attention to what they do not understand.
Many college graduates cannot communicate with those
on a lower educational level because they have never
learned how to make things simple enough. If someone
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fails to understand you, it does not necessarily
follow that they are stupid.
More than likely, you
have not explained your point clearly or simply
enough. Walt Disney used animation as a means of
simplification. Frequently great truths are told in
parables or allegories. Let’s learn a lesson from
this and use simple stories, demonstrations, parables
and examples to convey what we mean.
One of the best methods of determining understanding
is feedback. You get feedback by asking questions
like these:
“Have I made myself clear?” “Do you
agree?” or “What are your feelings about this?” This
preliminary
interchange
helps
develop
two-way
communication.
LET THE OTHER PERSON KNOW THEY ARE IMPRESSING YOU
I have already said that everyone likes to feel
important.
Let people know they are important by
making them feel that you are impressed with what
they have to say. This is done by giving them your
full attention. The less you talk about yourself, the
more the other person will feel that he is important.
Act as if their jobs or social lives are the most
fascinating things you have heard about.
I was traveling by plane on my way home from a speech
I had just given to five thousand people. I was
bubbling over with excitement after an extremely
successful speaking engagement. Next to me sat a man
who said he was an accountant. Well, I thought,
that’s a comfortable profession, but how boring it
must be. Of course, I didn’t let him know how I felt.
Instead, I listened as he talked about his travels
and the complicated financial dealings of the large
corporations he represented. All the way across the
country, he kept me enthralled. From this experience,
a great truth emerged. Although, on the surface
others may appear dull, what they have to say is
often more interesting and important than what we
have to say ourselves.
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Most people really do not communicate effectively
because they are trying to impress rather than
express. They engage in a sort of self-neutralizing,
verbal bombardment of each other. They use words
others do not understand and frequently attempt to
speak down rather than to the person with whom they
are talking. They are busy showing that person how
smart they are.
Justified or not, others will form their opinions of
you by the way you talk to them. If you show off or
try to impress them with your intelligence, you can
be sure that they will tune you out right away. On
the other hand, if you do not talk down to them and
keep their interests and emotions in mind, they will
consider you clever, interesting and, even, a
brilliant conversationalist.
Studies have shown that other people never hear 75%
of the words you use. People hear only what they
want, and as you already know, what they most want to
hear about is themselves. If you talk to them about
their
goals,
interest,
ideas,
experiences
or
aspirations, you will immediately get their attention
and continue to hold it without difficulty.
GIVE SINCERE RECOGNITION
Whenever you give sincere recognition, you are, in
essence, showing people how to like themselves more.
If you remark about one of their attributes that
escapes most people, you will increase your impact.
It takes little imagination to compliment someone on
his appearance – although that’s nice too – so the
creative per-son looks for less obvious qualities.
For example, you might notice someone’s sense of
humor or ability to attract friends. By taking time
to remark on attributes which are far too often
overlooked by others, you are saying in effect, “I
really notice you as a person”, thereby giving that
person a reason to like this or herself more.
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By helping others build their self-esteem and making
them feel comfortable and secure, they become more
relaxed and friendlier. This all goes back to what we
said earlier: in order to think well of others, you
must first think well of yourself.
Knowing what
pleases you and increases your self-confidence
provides some excellent clues as to how you can make
others feel self-confident. Someone observed, quite
astutely, that when we look at our world and see God
and good in everything and everyone, our world looks
back at us with the same attitude.
WAIT UNTIL THE CONVERSATION GETS
AROUND TO YOU
After others have talked about themselves, a point
will be reached when the conversation will get around
to you. A little patience here is well invested.
Don’t be like the actress I met at a Hollywood party
who came up to me, talked on and on about her movie
career and finally said, “Enough about me!
How did
you like my last picture?”
ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
What you are speak so loudly,
I cannot hear what you are saying.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
People will judge you by your actions. Small acts of
courtesy are not just merely empty gestures; they are
thoughtful
expressions,
which
say,
without
verbalization,
“I
think
you
are
important.”
Unfortunately, to many, courtesy is becoming a lost
art. Don’t let this happen. Be one of those who still
places importance on small acts of kindness that make
others feel special.
It is important to realize that people are not
interested in hearing us expound on our particular
philosophy of life.
They are more interested in
seeing how our beliefs and philosophy are actually
working in our life.
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Your actions are reflections of your thinking. If
others see that you are healthy, happy, prosperous
and enthusiastic, they will ask what you are doing to
make these things happen. There is no need to
“preach” because, as the saying goes, “More truth is
caught than taught.” Religious fanatics may talk
about
peace,
love,
salvation
and
their
great
happiness in religion, but all one has to do is look
at their lifestyles to know just how well it’s
working. The Bible puts it this way; “By their fruits
ye shall know them.” If your life is a showcase of
positive living, people will want to know how they
can get on the bandwagon.
BE ON TIME FOR APPOINTMENTS
Another essential aspect in the development of good
personal relationships is reliability. Being on time
for appointments is more important than you realize.
Lateness
does
not
merely
mean
that
you
are
irresponsible, it means that you really do not care
about the person you are meeting. You are, in effect,
saying that that person is not important enough for
you to be on time. If you had a meeting with a
President or Prime Minister of a large country at
10:00 AM tomorrow morning, would you be on time? Of
course you would! You would make a point of it. So,
let’s be honest. We can all be on time if we are
motivated.
We violate the “on time” rule because we do not
realize the consequences of our actions. “That’s the
way I am!” we say defiantly. But that’s not the way
we are. It’s the way we have chosen to be.
Remember, then, no matter whom you are meeting – exexecutive, housewife, factory worker, secretary, and
salesperson, relative – or if you are attending a
meeting or social gathering, be on time! Extend this
habit
to
all
personal
relationships.
Get
the
reputation of always being there first. If you must
keep someone waiting, contact that person and explain
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the delay and inform him when you expect to arrive.
He will admire and respect your for caring. There is
nothing more upsetting and frustrating as waiting for
someone who doesn’t show up on time.
REMEMBER PEOPLE’S NAMES
Most of us will agree that one of the sweetest sounds
is the sound of our own names. People’s names are
their badges of individuality so if we remember them,
we automatically win their friendship. Noting and
remembering a name takes only a few minutes, but the
investment of time and attention can bring rich
rewards.
The principal reason why we don’t remember names is
that, when we are introduced, we don’t really listen
to what the other person is saying. If we recall the
moment of meeting, the introduction probably sounded
something like this: “Hello! My name is Mrkxgrtmp.”
We didn’t hear the name correctly because we weren’t
paying attention. More than likely, our minds were on
what we were going to say next!
To remember a name, first be sure to hear it
properly. Then make an interest-stimulating mental
impression of the total person, at the same time
repeating his or her name over and over in your mind.
If you remember the whole person, you will remember
their name.
One thing you must not do is say to yourself or
others, “I have trouble remembering names.” By doing
so, you give your subconscious a ‘command’ which it
faithfully follows. Every time you try to remember a
name, the impression is rejected because you have
already stated that you cannot remember names. Refute
the ‘command’ now, and start affirming that you can
remember the names of everyone you meet and recall
them at will.
Remembering names should be one of the priorities on
your list of self-development. Not only will this
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make others feel important, it will make you more
poised and self-confident.

HOW TO MEET PEOPLE AND GET
TO KNOW THEM
Don’t Be Afraid to Make The First Move.
Contrary to what you may believe, most people hate
social gatherings. They like the idea, but dislike
the prospect of meeting and mingling with strangers.
If we are honest, there is not one of us who, at one
time or another hasn’t felt uncomfortable at a party.
The truth is that, subconsciously, we are afraid that
others won’t like us, and we don’t want to feel
rejected. It’s the old need for approval springing
up!
If the thought of attending a social function makes
you feel, at the very least, uneasy, remember this:
you are not alone. Many feel the same way. When you
accept this as the truth, you will have a lot less
trouble meeting other people.
Suppose you are at a party and don’t know many
people.
When you look around, everyone seems to be
having a good time while you are just standing there
wishing you were at home. But you aren’t at home. And
there is nothing you can do about it for the moment,
so you might as well make the most of the situation.
The best thing to do is to make the first move.
Select someone who is not involved in conversation
and appears to be alone, and walk right up to him or
her. Assume that he or she is friendly and act as if
you expect to be both welcomed and liked. With only
rare exceptions, the person will react warmly and
cooperate in getting the conversation going. Having
taken the initiative and broken down the barriers of
shyness and timidity, you will soon find your new
friend that is easy to talk to.
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Be friendly and let the conversation take its
course.
Use the guidelines for communication
forth in this chapter. And don’t try too hard.
the beginning, take for granted that that person
like you, and he will!

own
set
From
will

LEARN THE ART OF SMALL TALK
All conversations do not have to be heavy or
philosophical.
It is much better to start off a
conversation with a stranger with “small talk.” There
is a very good reason for this.
When you meet
someone for the first time, they are wondering if you
will be easy to talk to. The first things you say
provide the answer and create the impression that
sets the tone of the relationship. If, for example,
you initiate a conversation with a question about
someone’s philosophy of life, they will be caught off
guard and back off immediately. But if you start by
asking questions about them, they will relax and the
conversation will flow naturally.
If you observe television talk shows, you will notice
that the host invariably starts off with simple,
carefully chosen questions intended to let the guest
know that the interviewer is interested in him as a
person. This dispels anxiety and lets the guest talk
about himself.
GET THE SMILE HABIT
A problem in communication is that people don’t smile
enough. Watch them on the street, at the office or
even at home. How often do they smile? Some turn a
smile on and off like a light switch and use it to
impress others. But their insincerity is quite
obvious. A study conducted at a major university
revealed that on an average, men smile at 70% of the
women and only 12% of the men with whom they come in
contact. This would seem to indicate that they don’t
care what other men think about them, but are
concerned about impressing women!
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Smiling is an important means of communication
because it has a positive effect on others. Think how
good you feel when someone smiles at you! In its
simplest form, it is a way of telling you that
everything’s going well and that the smiler is happy
to see you. Department stores have shown as much as a
20% increase in sales when employees smiled at
customers.
People cannot help but warm up to
are not one, you had better get the
Smile right now! Go ahead! Now
doesn’t hurt. As a matter of fact,
good. If there’s a mirror near by,
much better you look!

a smiler. If you
habit right away.
do it again! It
it makes you feel
smile and see how

When I say that you should practice smiling in front
of a mirror, I am perfectly serious. You may feel
silly for a while, but as your frown and down-turned
mouth disappear and you begin to radiate confidence
and poise, your attitude will change. Every person is
beautiful when he or she smiles.
You will automatically look and feel better when you
smile. A smile is your way of writing your thoughts
on your face! It shows that you have self-confidence.
If you lack self-confidence or are consumed by
unhappiness and doubt, you will have a difficult time
smiling. The natural resistance to exposing your
feelings to others will make your smile stiff and
forced. To overcome this, get to the root of your
problem and change your negative self-image.
Whenever you greet people SMILE! SMILE! SMILE! Smile
for everyone you meet. Smile for your family, friends
and co-workers. Smile for the people who frown at
you. Smile in traffic. Smile on the elevator, in the
store; at the bank; on the street. Smile for the
janitor, the waitress, and the bank teller.
Notice that I said smile FOR, not AT! The reason for
this is obvious. When you smile FOR someone, you are
showing sincerity. The other person will sense this
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and smile back. That is their way of saying, “Thanks
for noticing me and making me feel important!”
Learn to want to smile and enjoy the happiness you
bring into the lives of those who pass your way. Try
smiling today and notice the magic it works. Remember
that your smile is one of your greatest assets!

BE CAREFUL OF THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
Everyone whom you associate with affects your life.
Make it a point to not only to hold positive
conversations, but as much as possible to associate
with only positive people. These are the people who
will inspire, motivate and help you to live a more
creative life. Negative people drain your energy with
their constant putdowns and complaints about how the
world has mistreated them, how their husbands or
wives don’t understand them, how their bosses don’t
value them, and how terrible they feel. Whenever
possible, release these “energy vampires” from your
life and seek out people who are uplifting and
positive.

Secret #13
ACHIEVING TOTAL
SELF-CONFIDENCE THROUGH A POSITIVE MENTAL
ATTITUDE
Many people believe that a positive mental attitude
is unrealistic because the positive thinker is just
seeking to escape problems, tragedy and hopelessness.
But this is not the case at all. Positive thinking is
a way of looking at your own problems and those of
humankind
and
trying
to
solve
them
through
constructive action. The difference between the
negative and positive thinker is rather like two
people’s reaction to half a glass of water. The
negative person says that the glass is half-empty,
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but the positive person knows that the glass is half
full.
A positive mental attitude allows you to build on
your strengths, overcome your weaknesses. It helps
you to realize that you were born to be great,
because within you is the Power that you can use to
make any dream a reality. It helps you to focus on
the good things in life and allows you to give your
dominant attention to what is right with you, other
people and the world. By seeing good around you, you
generate a magnetism which attracts more good into
your life. For, as we have noted, like attracts like.
But understand this. POSITIVE THINKING IS USELESS
UNLESS IT PROMOTES POSITIVE ACTION. Thoughts or
mental energy must be turned into action or kinetic
energy.
The
kinetic
energy
of
taking
action
reinforces the subconscious. And, when properly
utilized, that automatic goal-producing mechanism
corrects mistakes, changes courses and brings you to
your target.
POSITIVE STATEMENTS RELEASE
CREATIVE POWER
The words you speak have a strong influence on your
feelings, moods, personality, self-confidence and
life experience. Earlier, we pointed out how negative
affirmations
hypnotize
us
into
failure,
disappointment, poverty, confusion and ill health. So
what is the solution? It is not very complicated.
Just apply the reverse process. Flood your mind with
power words or affirmations.
The affirmations that follow declare your strengths
rather than your weaknesses. They focus your mind on
the positive instead of negative; affirm what you are
instead of what you are not and what you can do,
instead of cannot do.
Use these or similar affirmations during to program
your subconscious mind to create the life you desire.
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MOVE AHEAD WITH THESE AFFIRMATIVE THOUGHTS
•

This moment affords me infinite possibilities, for
I live in the eternal now of being.

•

Everything I can possibly be is right this moment
a part of my consciousness.

•

This moment I am prepared and equipped to accept
my limitless potential.

•

I am fully aware of my limitless capacity. My
thinking is in the now; my vision is in the now;
my anticipation is in the now.

•

I choose
people.

•

As I become more aware of my power to see, I am
also more aware of my will to do.

•

I look to no one for my desires, but recognize
that everyone is a potential channel through which
the Infinite can bring my desires into my life.

•

I am one with Universal MIND therefore I know what
I need to know at the instant I need to know it.
This knowing annihilates all ignorance from my
subconscious mind.

•

I am confident and efficient as I allow the Power
within
me
to
motivate
and
activate
my
consciousness.

•

My actions are the logical outgrowth of this
awareness.
Success meets all my endeavors for I
am adequate to deal with every area of my life.

•

I am continually receptive to new ways and methods
for my greatest good.

•

I know that the creative being that I am knows how
to create anything I desire.

to

have

my

life

filled

with

positive

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•

I am mentally and emotionally dedicated to my own
good and to the good of others. I live in a
friendly universe which responds to my desires and
brings them into my life

•

Without conceit, I can say that I am spiritually
perfect. My consciousness is healthy and I enjoy
it. I have no fears and no regrets; I am vitally
alive right now. I am totally self-confident.
CONCENTRATE ON WHAT’S RIGHT WITH YOU

Make a list of everything that is right with you.
Take a good appreciative look at it. Go over it
frequently. Even memorize it. By concentrating on
your assets and qualities, you will develop the inner
conviction that you are a worthy, competent and
unique individual. Whenever you do something right,
be sure to remind yourself of it and even reward
yourself for the action. In this way, you will build
up a new habit pattern of concentration on what is
right with you.
In Alice in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll tells us how we
got the way we are and how important it is to
concentrate on what is right with us.
ALICE:

Where I come from, people study what
they are not good at in order to be
able to do what they are good at.

MAD HATTER:

We go around in circles here in
Wonderland, but we always end
up where we started. Would you
mind explaining yourself?

ALICE:

Well, grownups tell us to find out
what we did wrong, and never
do it again.

MAD HATTER:

That’s odd! It seems to me that
In order to find out about some150

thing, you have to study it. And
when you study it, you should
become better at it. Why should you
want to be better at something and
then never do it again? But please
continue.
ALICE:

Nobody tells us to study the right
things we do. We’re only supposed
to learn from the wrong thing first,
in order to learn what not to do.
And then, by not doing what I am not
supposed to do, perhaps I’ll be
right. But I’d rather be right the
first time, wouldn’t you?

There’s great lesson here! Focus on what’s right
about your life. Keep your mind off what you don’t
want and on what you do want. Remember what we focus
on we create more of!
THE NEW YOU
As you apply the principles
successful NEW YOU will emerge.

in

this

book,

a

You will be an individual of power, direction and
planned action.
You will overcome the false beliefs that have been
holding you back.
You will be a friendly person who is never lonely.
You will be a self-reliant person who controls his or
her own destiny.
You will not need to judge yourself or others.
You will be a poised individual with empathy for
others.
You will be open and receptive to new values,
concepts and beliefs.
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You will have radiant health and a longer life.
You will have a new Spiritual Awareness.
You will learn to love yourself and
intensely than you ever have before.

others

more

A bright picture isn’t it? Sure it is because it is a
view of YOU once you have learned and applied the
principles contained within these pages. This will
take a commitment to action, but it will be one of
the greatest adventures of your life. Once you have
committed yourself to building total self-confidence
you will never be the same again.

152